Abuse Hides in the Dark. Turn on Your Light.

Kellie Jo Holly


  • To Will's Family

    I’ve recently made a mistake. In my haste to notify Will’s family that he was NOT involved in a tragedy while on deployment, I sent the email from my “work” account which has the address to this website in the signature line. For this, I sincerely apologize. It was never my intention to draw in…

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  • Even If

    Even If

    I’m probably going to live with a man who despises me and wants me to apologize for making a police report against him and then grovel at his feet and swear that I’ll never do it again, no matter what he does, because his career cannot handle another bullshit drama queen antic like the one…

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  • Walking the Tightrope Between Everything and Nothing

    Walking the Tightrope Between Everything and Nothing

    He often says that he’s put me on a pedestal, expecting more from me than anyone else. In reality, he’s put me on a tightrope, expecting me to be exactly what he thinks he “should” be so that he doesn’t have to walk the tightrope.

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  • I'm angry because

    “What is going on inside your mind to trigger the emotion of anger? I know you have this answer.” ~Erin on When is it okay for me to be angry? I am angry because I am not getting what I want. But more than that, I’m getting the same old shit in new packaging. I’m…

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  • Hellfire

    “…Jesus had been known to become angry when something was wrong. ” ~ (part of) Kathy’s comment to When is it okay for me to be angry? Yep. Jesus threw a down and out hissy fit in the temple. I have always found that story comforting. It goes to show that ANGER isn’t something to…

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  • When Is It Okay for Me to Be Angry?

    When Is It Okay for Me to Be Angry?

    So when is it okay for me to be angry? How do I get rid of it, find a solution for it, or at least just FEEL it, righteous or not, and move on?

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  • Hurtful Words Tell You Who You Are Not

    Hurtful Words Tell You Who You Are Not

    You Define Who You Are My Mamaw (great-grandmother) said “Give ’em to me” via a psychic last summer. Mamaw was talking about the hurtful words I have absorbed and any hurtful words I may hear in the future. She said those words didn’t mean anything – they weren’t true, and the only person hanging on…

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  • Getting Rid of Negative Thinking with Thor’s Hammer

    Getting Rid of Negative Thinking with Thor’s Hammer

    To retrain my thinking, I’m going to start with ideas I already identify as problematic. But how do you attack a negative thought effectively? Um, who is this causing an uproar? Erin says: “(I am in the back of the class, extending my arm as far upward as it can go, waving it like a…

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  • Subconscious Habits

    Elements of this stinking thinking are evident before marrying Will, but I somehow overcame them (at least partially if not entirely). Or maybe my parents didn’t direct me in any certain way so what I did to try to please them aligned more directly with what I wanted for myself. Will “directed” me. He, unlike…

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  • Looking for the Enemy In Abusive Marriage Seems Unhelpful

    Looking for the Enemy In Abusive Marriage Seems Unhelpful

    I am not saying that what I habitually do or say EXCUSES any abuse, nor am I saying that what I do or say CONTROLS Will’s actions or reactions. I’m saying that the things I do and say (out of habit) ENABLES the abusive cycle or abusive dynamic to continue.

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