Abuse Hides in the Dark. Turn on Your Light.

I'm angry because

“What is going on inside your mind to trigger the emotion of anger? I know you have this answer.” ~Erin on When is it okay for me to be angry?

I am angry because I am not getting what I want. But more than that, I’m getting the same old shit in new packaging. I’m angry because I feel that the rules have changed when HE says they’ve changed, so I’m angry that I’m giving my power to him AGAIN.

I’m angry because my throat and chest are reacting in the same old heart-squeezing way and that my mind can’t find footing on a slippery slope.

I’m angry because I feel that I cannot SAY I’m angry at him to him. I know better than that, so why can’t I just do it?

I’m angry because I don’t know how to “calm down” or to be less “emotional”. I’m angry because I cannot seem to give him a clean slate and “move forward from here” instead of anchor myself in the past.

I’m angry because I cannot fully articulate the pain and frustration, heart ache and fear that I feel.

And I’m angry because there doesn’t seem to be a gray area between “Stay” and “Go”. I’m angry that I can’t fix this solely by wanting it fixed.

Erin, I don’t think I have the answer. I cannot seem to pinpoint a single “why” and that really makes me angry. I don’t know where to start fixing so many whys.