Will has been drinking a lot since he returned home in December. Every night, Jim Beam and Coke (for color only) or beer. I expressed my concern in as pleasant a way as I could, telling him that I never know if he’s really “there” or not and that I worry about his health.
It didn’t get ugly. Typically, talking about his drinking turns ugly. He didn’t respond to the “being there” or not, but he said he changed from beer to Jim Beam to save calories. He doesn’t want to get fat. I suggested he check the calories. 12 beers vs a quart of Jim. Anyone know?
Anyhow, Will was promoted on Friday (not yet pinned), and I am very happy for him. Only one rank to go, and I’m sure he’ll get that in record time.
I’ve known for some time that there would be a change of command ceremony today. Historically, I’ve never attended a change of command as they are for officers, not non-commissioned officers. (Will isn’t a player in a change of command.)
Regardless, at the beginning of this week, I asked Will if he would like me to go. He said to wait, that he would get the details and let me know. He didn’t say anything else about me going until last night. The ceremony was at 2 pm, and I had an appointment to keep, so I told him I wouldn’t be able to go.
This evening, around 5, he called to say that he was at a restaurant in town, and “everybody” was asking about me (no one knows me). At that time, I was transporting our son to the psychiatry appointment, so I told him I couldn’t attend.
Around 6:30, he calls and says I have two choices. Either his father can come get him and we can pick up his truck from post in the morning, or he could spend the night at his friend’s house.
“What?!” I thought. What is going on? Why is he at a restaurant in town, but he left his truck on post? Why is he drunk? Why did he plan on getting drunk? What was the real reason he asked me to join him at the restaurant? And why can’t he go anywhere without drinking?
I was obviously pissed off, and I told him, “I don’t like either of those answers, and I’m not going to choose one. You do what you think is best.”
He said that they were drinking to celebrate his promotion and to say farewell to the first sergeant. As if I care. As if I think celebrating with alcohol is the best way to celebrate anything (not that I never drink, but I can take it or leave it). Will drinks constantly, so how is drinking for a celebratory reason any different from what he does every night at home?
I was mad. I became short with my son (and apologized), but it bothers me that I was angry for an hour or so. I’m still angry, but I am not taking it out on anyone else.
I’m sort of thinking a “better person” wouldn’t be angry. Maybe a better person wouldn’t let this stuff bother her, and would be able to say, “That’s my husband, his drinking has nothing to do with whether I love him or not.”
But I think it does. I think his choice to drink (constantly) affects my ability to love him. His drinking feeds selfish behaviors. It is very difficult for an angel like me (sarcasm) to be FINE with his choices when I am driving all over town doing stuff to help the family, and he seems to do whatever he can (besides going to work) to avoid helping himself.
Why didn’t I go today? Because I had a group meeting this morning. Then I had to go withdraw my son from his school and enroll him in an alternative high school. Then I had to take that son to a psychiatry appointment. Then I had to take my youngest to meet a friend (who never showed up). Then I had to go grocery shopping.
And what is he doing? Drinking. Not coming home because he planned to get drunk from the get-go. Trying to force me to choose between two unsatisfactory solutions so I “can’t be mad at him because he did what I said to do.”
Bullshit.
So when is it okay for me to be angry? When is it okay for a human to be angry, and what do I do with it when I feel it? How do I get rid of it, find a solution for it, or at least just FEEL it, righteous or not, and move on?