To retrain my thinking, I’m going to start with ideas I already identify as problematic. But how do you attack a negative thought effectively?
Um, who is this causing an uproar? Erin says:
“(I am in the back of the class, extending my arm as far upward as it can go, waving it like a maniac!!!) Pick me! Pick me! Let me help you with this! (Faint whimper and whine coming from my throat…)”
Well, who could deny that plea? Erin, subconscious mind expert who has ALWAYS been on my side, wants to help. I know that she needs a starting point so she can begin tailoring a program for me. I am assuming that it doesn’t really matter where we start because over time and experience, we’ll work together to pinpoint other trouble spots.
I want to work on forcefully removing the thoughts that cause me to shrink back into myself. I want to stop using my loved ones’ behaviors as excuses to clam up, shut down, and stop pursuing my awesome ideas! I want to value and pursue my interests/goals even if someone I love has a million reasons why it won’t work.
Likewise, I want to stop shutting off my loved one’s advice when they are pointing out things that may not work as I have planned. I’ve literally trained myself to shut down as soon as someone says anything other than “That’s a perfect idea! How can I help?” In my experience, that phrase NEVER reaches my ears. I’ve literally NEVER heard someone say that to me, so why do I constantly expect to hear it? I set myself up for failure by expecting it, because as soon as I DON’T hear it, I quit.
I’ve quit a lot of great stuff. I’m tired of quitting. I’m tired of using assumed meanings to what other people say as an excuse to quit. I want to value my own ideas above what other people think of them, and I think the imagery of Thor’s Hammer can help me knock out that unwanted, detrimental, no longer subconscious habit.
So, Erin, is this a starting point you can work with?
Read this entire post and more. Buy My Abusive Marriage . . . and what i’m doing in it by Kellie Jo Holly (or preview the book now).