How to Survive Abuse – Maybe

I wish I had definite answers on how to survive abuse emotionally, mentally, and physically. After all, I’ve tried many things to make the abuse stop and to save my marriage. Ultimately the marriage failed because I thought my next home would be in the ground. Or, as he specifically threatened, he would piece me apart with a wood chipper and feed me to fish all over Texas. If I stayed, I could be dead now.

According to someone who knows my ex-husband well, he still wants me dead and plans “disgusting things” to do to me before I die. (Don’t ask what – I don’t know because I didn’t want to know.)

Every type of abuse is serious and deadly. Anyone who tells you how to survive abuse without appending a maybe to the statement is lying. No one knows what another person might do; sometimes abusers don’t know what they’re capable of doing. Wait – can I take that back? I think abusers plan most domestic violence murders/suicides. At least the abuser plans the murder part. Or rather, I think the abuser has the scenario in their mind, and one day, it escapes.

Point is, if you’re living in an abusive relationship it is a good idea to download the comprehensive safety plan I put together. Visit Domestic Violence Safety Planning, scroll to the bottom of the page and download mine for free. It will help you stay safer while you’re in an abusive relationship or out of one. Filling it out doesn’t mean you plan to leave, just that you’re aware and have some solutions for nasty events.

Some Options on How to Survive Abuse – Maybe, At Least for Now

I’ll tell you what I’ve tried and what the results were to give you an idea of what direction you could go. You are the only one who can decide what your course of action could be. Please talk to someone face-to-face about what’s going on with you. Don’t bother explaining your pain to your abuser. They don’t listen or care. Otherwise, honor your intuition – you ARE worth listening to.

Some worked better than others, but this is a partial list of what I did (mostly after realizing he abused me) to help me deal with the abuse in my marriage:

• Sobriety Fixes Nothing
• Explained Myself to End Verbal Abuse
• Received Counseling from the Army’s Morale Welfare and Recreation Program
• Six Sessions of Individual Counseling
• Named the Type of Verbal Abuse He Used Out Loud
• Forced Counseling for the Abuser
• Public Sector Counseling at DSS
• Observing, Not Participating In, My Abuse
• I Told Everyone About the Abuse
• Attended Domestic Violence Support Groups
• I Called My Local Sheriff’s Department (Non-Emergency)
• I’m Hoping The Abuse Will Resolve Itself
• I’m in Long-Term Counseling
• I Tried Marriage Counseling

I Left My Abusive Marriage

As much as I wanted it to work, I ended up leaving my abuser (see Leaving Domestic Abuse Tips for Your Safety and Health). I probably would have stayed with him for much longer (if not forever) if any of my strategies worked. However, on January 22, 2010, he physically assaulted me. I wasn’t ready to leave. You can read all about it in the My Abusive Marriage books:

I update the blog ever so often so you can see how life is going without that jerk in it. But if you want to read some excerpts from the book, they are all here: Verbal Abuse in Marriage Blog.

Will stays in my life only because we have children together. Even so, life is so much happier, and the peace I have now is unbelievable!

Featured image by Tim Graf