Codependency
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Emotions After Leaving Your Abuser
Escaping Abuse Is More Than Leaving Escaping an abusive relationship involves more than having a safety plan and walking out the door. In addition to the logistical planning, you also must plan for some confusing emotions after leaving your abuser. The loaded emotions create a minefield that my therapist didn’t prepare me for. But I…
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You Can’t Make Your Abuser Abuse You
You can’t make your abuser abuse you. The responsibility for abusing falls directly on the shoulders of the perpetrator, not the victim. Yet so many victims (me too!) want to somehow make the abuse “our fault”. I think that I wanted to accept responsibility for the abuse because if I caused it, then I could…
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Resisting Temptation & Codependency
I just stopped myself from doing something manipulative after seeing a youtube interview with Patricia Evans, author of The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?: A Woman’s Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go. For almost a year and a half now, I’ve tried to prove to my husband that he is, in fact,…
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Seek and Ye Shall Find
Will and I were unhappily married and I once mistakenly blamed him for every one of our missteps and evils. Although I thought I was trying to make him happy, I was really trying to make him happy so he could make me happy. When I failed, I wanted to run far and fast. I…
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Codependency Makes Me Want to Fix Things for Them
My therapist presented an alternative solution, one that actually makes sense and would have cut out all the drama. She said that Marc’s feelings of guilt were HIS to deal with. It sounded harsh to me at first…didn’t I CAUSE Marc’s bad feelings? Wasn’t I responsible for this whole mess anyway? Shouldn’t I do everything…
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Codependency and My Darkness with an Apology at the End
I sent an email to his family revealing this blog. Accidentally. This post is now part of the book “My Abusive Marriage…and what happened when i left it.”
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My Abuser Ridicules Therapy (No Surprise There)
So yesterday, Will and I argued. No surprise, so I won’t go into the whole thing, just the part about therapy for Marc (son) and for marriage counseling. Will disagrees with anyone going to therapy of any kind. He says that people who go to therapy are weak (at best), and that therapy is a…
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Growing Up Co-Dependent
They could love me when they were happy, so it was my job to make them happy. I dare say, that is not any child’s job. It’s not anyone’s job. As a side-effect, I was happy when they were happy, and it was a tragedy when they were not happy. I grew up in the…
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How I Attempt to Control: Is This Codependency?
I divert my attention trying to “get it all done.” This results in frustration, yelling (at myself or someone else), and getting nothing done. I try to force the kids to put the same amount of importance on things that I do. Chores, homework, etc. … my priorities. Everything is my priority. I’m inflexible, seeking…
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Happiness Makes Me Trust Him Too Much
It’s late, and I promised myself a more normal schedule, so I’m headed to bed. BUT I also promised myself I’d post daily, so I’m racking my brain for something worthwhile to write. Worthwhile to whom? you may ask. Well, since “you” may or may not be here at all, I guess I’m looking for…
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