Abuse Hides in the Dark. Turn on Your Light.

What is Verbal And Emotional Abuse?

  • Top 12 Signs of Abuse in Your Future

    Top 12 Signs of Abuse in Your Future

    What are the signs of abuse to watch out for when you meet a new guy or gal? We know you cannot tell who will abuse you by looking at them. Most likely, if the new person in your life is an abuser, they will sweep you off your feet and make you feel like…


  • Emotional Drama Is Not Love

    Emotional Drama Is Not Love

    Emotional Drama Is an Abuser’s Smoke and Mirrors Emotional drama is not love. It is manufactured by the abuser during the initial attachment period. Emotional drama allows the abuser to use smoke and mirrors to disguise their true intentions. They want to place you under a false-love spell. The abuser overacts the “love” they feel…


  • Judging and Criticizing

    Judging and Criticizing

    Making You Look Like a Loser Judging and criticizing allow your abuser to express how little they accept you as you are. The abuser implies that you should be smarter, saner, less picky, pickier, or any other type of expression about how little your abuser appreciates who you are. Many judging and criticizing statements start…


  • Discounting


    Discounting Your Reality Abusive people enjoy discounting your thoughts, feelings, and reality so they do not have to take responsibility for their abusive behavior. If your abuser can force you to doubt your perception of how something happened, what someone did, who agreed to do what, or almost anything else related to the way you understand…


  • Ordering and Demanding

    Ordering and Demanding

    Abusers “Forget” That You Are Your Own Person If your partner orders you around and demands you meet their requests, then you hear verbal abuse. Patricia Evans, the author of the best verbal abuse books, says that when someone makes demands of you, the person has forgotten that “you are a free person, and if…


  • Withholding or Depriving

    Withholding or Depriving

    What Might an Abuser Withhold from a Victim? Withholding affection is one type of deprivation, and that occurs when your mate purposefully withholds physical contact (including sex). Divorces of the past were granted for “alienation of affection” and withholding physical comforts underlies the complaint. However, there are other ways abusive people deprive their victims. Abusers may deprive you…


  • Denial


    Denial Is Lying Meant to Control Denial is the same as lying, and some verbal abusers are mistaken for “pathological liars” because they use denial as a form of control so often. Lying to control others is different from lying out of habit or any other pathological reason. For example, pathological liars lie to everyone, all the time, for no reason,…


  • Countering


    Countering Is Devious and Crazymaking Countering occurs when your abuser expresses the near opposite of what you say no matter if In the context of verbal abuse, countering is not the same as disagreeing. It is normal for people to disagree and hold differing opinions. Countering involves irrationality and a degree of anger because you have thoughts and feelings. An abuser…


  • Forgetting


    What Is Forgetting as It Relates to Verbal Abuse? “Forgetting involves both denial and covert manipulation. […] Consistently forgetting interactions which have a great impact on another person is verbally abusive denial.” The key to knowing if your abuser is forgetting on purpose is to pay attention to how important the request is to you.…


  • Trivializing


    What Is Trivializing? To explain trivializing, I need you to think about a time when you felt a great sense of accomplishment. For example, when I finished my first website, I felt that kind of pride. Maybe you got a promotion at work or taught your child their ABCs or climbed Mount Everest! For a…