About Relationship Abuse

Crazymaking Rules for Abusive Relationships

We abuse victims have rules we must follow to keep our abusers happy. Unfortunately, those rules can change at any time. And then change back again. Hmph.
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I Told Everyone About the Abuse

This outreach benefits me every day. I no longer feel alone or voiceless. Because of reaching out on my blog, I found the courage to locate domestic violence organizations in my local area for face to face help. Groups and counselors who know about domestic abuse are invaluable to recovery (and simply getting through the…
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Things Abusers Say and Do to Gain Power Over You

Things abusers say and do are designed to control you. Whether abusers say and do these things knowingly or unconsciously, the result is the same: you feel lower than dirt, or become afraid and intimidated. In your weakened state, your abuser finds it much easier to gain power over you.
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It’s All You

Blame causes the victim to believe the abuse is their fault. The abuser claims, “You made me do that!” and “I wouldn’t lose my temper if you …!” Don’t believe it. If you were powerful enough to “make” them yell at you, then why aren’t you powerful enough to “make” them be nice to you?
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PTSD Makes a Noisy Mind

I forgot how anxious I was until after I left my ex and experienced peace for the first time in 18 years. There is such a difference from when I lived with the abuse! If I’m not yet at peace, that’s okay. It will come. Whatever “this” is beats what I used to feel by…
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‘You Hate Men!’ Is Diversion . . . and Retraumatization

Telling me that my rape is the source of our problems is a diversion. It turns me away from whatever Will is doing and causes me to examine myself. By blaming my past for our current problems is also wrong. Will blames me for our problems without taking any responsibility for his behavior.
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Coming Apart – Losing Personal Boundaries

I laid bare the last protected areas of my soul in hope that he could understand me. I just knew if he understood me, the arguments would end.
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Trophy Wife – Foretells the Story of Abuse

When I drew her, I thought she was the water giving life to the flowers. I now know that water symbolically represents emotions and she is drowning in emotions that have nowhere to go. That vase is solid. It’s not going to spill or break. There is no outlet for what she feels. There’s no…
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Trophy Wife – Side Effects of Abuse

The image you see here shows my state of mind soon after our wedding. The colors show brightly enough, the flowers are rather pretty. But the women undergo sad transitions. The signs of abuse are here, hidden by brightly colored flowers.
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Sobriety Fixes Nothing

Drinking only lowers inhibitions – it lets you be “more you” and gives the abuser permission to abuse.
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