Abuse Hides in the Dark. Turn on Your Light.

I Told Everyone About the Abuse

three women's hands stacked, repeated, darker in the middle.

Initially, I wanted to document the things that happened in my home in a way that I could not forget or gloss over later. I figured that sharing publicly would mean there were no take-backs – I can’t deny the abuse to myself when it’s written in black and white by me.

*This website absorbed the original blog, but entries from it are found in the categories My Abusive Marriage and When I Left.

What I Hoped to Accomplish:

I wanted to share my experience in hope of discovering I was crazy. I can fix my crazy. Later, when I realized I was not crazy, I hoped other women would reach out and give me some advice. I found out I am not the only one dealing with this! I also wanted to offer a sharing space for other people to share their experiences with abuse, so I created the Break Your Silence form to publish anonymous readers’ stories of abuse.


This outreach benefits me every day. I no longer feel alone or voiceless. My husband knows about my blog and he hates it, but he thinks I’m so inconsequential that my words won’t matter.

Because of reaching out on my blog, I found the courage to locate domestic violence organizations in my local area for face-to-face help. Groups and counselors who know about domestic abuse are invaluable to recovery (and simply getting through the day if you live with your abuser).

I feel that my sharing benefits many people because I receive emails and comments daily – usually praise, but sometimes a disgruntled reader who thinks I am sexist. I know my words matter because they enlighten, anger, or inspire you readers to share.

When I realized there were so many abuse victims and survivors, I started a mentoring service for victims and survivors of domestic violence and abuse (Domestic Violence Is a Bigger Problem Than We Realized). It is too much for me to handle alone now, so I have help. We’re in a bit of a pinch still, but when the service is up and running you will find it at Sign Up for a Mentor.


Please reach out to family and friends (if you aren’t isolated from them), non-profit and governmental domestic violence agencies and local support groups. That recommendation is practically a must.

You can also write your story in a journal or online. Journals are great, but keep it hidden.

Opinions differ on going public online with your real name (or a fake one but telling everyone in the real world who you are). It worked for me, but if there is ANY thought of divorcing and leaving your spouse, check with a family court attorney for advice before revealing the horrors of your home online.

None of this can make your abuser change, nor can it stop the abuse. But it can get you to a healthier mental state so you have choices you can’t see in the midst of abuse.