Domestic Violence Problems

Crazymaking Rules for Abusive Relationships

We abuse victims have rules we must follow to keep our abusers happy. Unfortunately, those rules can change at any time. And then change back again. Hmph.
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Things Abusers Say and Do to Gain Power Over You

Things abusers say and do are designed to control you. Whether abusers say and do these things knowingly or unconsciously, the result is the same: you feel lower than dirt, or become afraid and intimidated. In your weakened state, your abuser finds it much easier to gain power over you.
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Anatomy of a Fight

Originally I titled this “What I Cause” to reflect the feelings my abuser wanted me to assume. It worked for many years. He said it was my fault he blew up in rages, my fault he calmed down and used all his strength to revert to a position of protector, the one who had to…
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It’s All You

Blame causes the victim to believe the abuse is their fault. The abuser claims, “You made me do that!” and “I wouldn’t lose my temper if you …!” Don’t believe it. If you were powerful enough to “make” them yell at you, then why aren’t you powerful enough to “make” them be nice to you?
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PTSD Makes a Noisy Mind

I forgot how anxious I was until after I left my ex and experienced peace for the first time in 18 years. There is such a difference from when I lived with the abuse! If I’m not yet at peace, that’s okay. It will come. Whatever “this” is beats what I used to feel by…
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Coming Apart – Losing Personal Boundaries

I laid bare the last protected areas of my soul in hope that he could understand me. I just knew if he understood me, the arguments would end.
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Trophy Wife – Foretells the Story of Abuse

When I drew her, I thought she was the water giving life to the flowers. I now know that water symbolically represents emotions and she is drowning in emotions that have nowhere to go. That vase is solid. It’s not going to spill or break. There is no outlet for what she feels. There’s no…
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Trophy Wife – Side Effects of Abuse

The image you see here shows my state of mind soon after our wedding. The colors show brightly enough, the flowers are rather pretty. But the women undergo sad transitions. The signs of abuse are here, hidden by brightly colored flowers.
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Sobriety Fixes Nothing

Drinking only lowers inhibitions – it lets you be “more you” and gives the abuser permission to abuse.
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Boundaries Are Crucial for Abuse Victims

Once you set your personal boundaries, you do not have to tell a person who crosses your line why you’re doing what you’re doing unless you want to do so. With no warning at all, you can simply walk away from the conversation or interrupt to say what you need to say. There’s no guarantee…
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