How do people know when they’re being authentic? How do people overcome fear? How can I be sure the verbal abuse is real? Why is it so hard to believe?
Will deployed to Iraq and I’m in our home in North Carolina with our boys. Will doesn’t call or write very often and it’s easy to pretend that I’m alone. I don’t particularly enjoy it when he does call because our conversations are all about the business of being married and the occasional sneak-attack to…
PTSD and depression developed during domestic abuse caused visions of my children dying or dead. Fear of life held me tight, but I didn’t understand why.
Abuse came before Depression in my marriage, but when my Depression lifted (thanks Prozac) I entered another fantasy world.
By 1998, I didn’t even know what I wanted for me anymore. His goals for me became my goals for myself, inserted neat and clean in my mind with brainwashing.
First a Note Note from 2012: One of my greatest fears is that my behavior negatively affects my boys. Looking back on this journal entry makes that fear real. I know they’ve felt pain due to my yelling. I don’t always separate my frustrations with my relationship and myself from my frustrations with my children.
I’d say I was lonely or tired or sad and he would get angry and tell me “You have it so fucking good! You don’t have a damn thing to complain about!”
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