Abuse Hides in the Dark. Turn on Your Light.

Domestic Violence Problems


  • 6-years-old and growing

    One part of my plan to end the abuse is in dismanteling his public persona. No, I’m not going to go around town diminishing him as a man or husband. I’m not going to bad-mouth him to friends. I’m not going to be mean and nasty to combat his anger.

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  • My Support System Is My Foundation

    It’s all right that they don’t call ME. The fact that I have benefited and will continue to benefit from their wisdom, education and support is phenomenally important to me. I went from being someone stuck in isolation to being someone who knows who to call and when. More importantly, I learned that my husband’s…

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  • Happiness Makes Me Trust Him Too Much

    Happiness Makes Me Trust Him Too Much

    It’s late, and I promised myself a more normal schedule, so I’m headed to bed. BUT I also promised myself I’d post daily, so I’m racking my brain for something worthwhile to write. Worthwhile to whom? you may ask. Well, since “you” may or may not be here at all, I guess I’m looking for

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  • Waiting for a Hero

    I’m feeling so shitty; I want to stop feeling. I want to stop thinking. I want to stop.

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  • Fake Name True Story

    Fake Name True Story

    I was off in thought today, considering what my husband, who says he reads this blog, thinks of it. At first he was really pissed off about it and asked me not to use his name or pictures because of military confidentiality concerns. So I blurred his face and changed his name to Will. I thought “Will” was

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  • Hungry Angry Lonely Tired = Out of Control

    Hungry Angry Lonely Tired = Out of Control

    Al-Anon taught me that if I’m Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, then I am more likely to screw up my emotional well-being. Of course, I was focused on alcoholism at the time, but I think that HALT will apply to my attempts to deal with abuse, too.

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  • You make me so MAD!!

    You make me so MAD!!

    I know that pausing to take control of my thoughts after he has said or done something “unbelievable,” “horrible,” or “unforgivable” may be extremely difficult. I’ve conditioned myself to skip over my own thoughts and run straight for the gold – the “gold” is my ability to react to him in a way that may…

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  • I’m Home

    I realized that the security I once felt there was imagined. The men I knew there were only parts of their whole. I never realized the things that went on when I wasn’t looking. My protectors were liars and frauds. Is it possible to remember the men I once knew now that I know I…

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  • Lies and Verbal Abuse

    Lies and Verbal Abuse

    I checked my page on types of verbal abuse and realized that Patricia Evans did not list “LYING” as a type of verbal abuse. For a second, I thought I had discovered a glaring omission in my heroine’s thinking. But it only lasted a second. I realized that lying is not a form of verbal…

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  • Abuse Makes Me Wanna Be a Banshee

    Abuse Makes Me Wanna Be a Banshee

    I read that victims of abuse are not abused because of who we are. We’re abused because of who we are NOT. I am NOT whatever person my husband wants me to be or thinks I should be. And because I am not (an can NEVER BE) a person who my husband has imagined, the…

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