Al-Anon taught me that if I’m Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, then I am more likely to screw up my emotional well-being. I focused on alcoholism then, but I think that HALT will apply to my attempts to deal with abuse, too. In order to think correctly and stay in control of myself, I must not be Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.
Therein lies the problem. Well, except for the hungry part. I’ve spent the better part of my marriage being not hungry attempting to cancel out the angry, lonely and tired feelings!
So now, my quest to stop the abuse in my marriage is challenged on two levels. First, I will have to learn to deal with the HALT feelings consistently. Then, I will have to activate the correct thought process to deal with the abuse (…if the abuse comes, which I suspect it will).
Regardless, if I want my marriage to succeed, I’ve got to get myself under control.
I really really really really want a coach. I’m pretty sure I know what to do, but I’m not so certain that I know how to do it or have confidence in myself to do it consistently.
Today I had an appointment with my new therapist. I showed, she didn’t. It’s really a pity, because now I don’t know if I want to go back to her because I need someone I can rely on. I’ve got enough self-esteem to know that my time is valuable too! She sounded so good on the phone last week; I’ll give her until tomorrow afternoon to respond to my voice mails and decide from there.
Anyway, without a coach, I’m laden with the responsibility to shape-up on my own (mentally, emotionally, and physically), educate myself on responding to verbal abuse, and practice everything I learn before he comes back home.
Frankly, I’m not sure I can do it all alone. No – I’m not sure I can do it at all.