During My Abusive Marriage
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at least
i am no longer a mess but i may be becoming a new kind of crazy. hazy. unpredictable. but no longer unfortunate. no longer in ruins. edging out of the confusion i dare look to a horizon i didn’t notice before. like the old horizon, there is nothing discernible there. nothing special. unlike the old
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I See the Best in You
And I remember that he paused, maybe only for half a second, but as if he realized how crazy this argument was. As if, in that half second, he came face to face with the realization that he was behaving erratically and irrationally.
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It's too hard
My thoughts hurt. My heart aches. My body is tired. I’m breaking into tears on the outside, but breaking into pieces on the inside. This is too hard. I want to give up even caring if I’m in an unhealthy relationship or not. But I won’t because once you’ve seen the truth, there’s no going
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Gaslighting Abuse Means War for My Heart & Mind
Perhaps I am so important to him that he feels we should be as one mind. Unfortunately, this thought seems to translate into we should be of his mind and “my mind should disappear and stop causing so many problems.
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I Am Hoping: This Is Not A Valid Strategy to End Abuse
Hope can be a wonderful feeling leading to positive actions and thoughts, miracles, and even the motivation we need to propel ourselves forward. But in this abusive situation, hope is anxiety-ridden. It’s become exactly the opposite of what hope is meant to be.
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Grateful
You are the only one of my family members unlucky enough to see first-hand how my husband treats me because he does the same thing to you; you are the only other person he has ever revealed his “other side” to without shame or remorse. I hate that for you.
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You Need Help — It’s Not My Problem That You Hate Men
My abuser tells me ‘You need help!’ but refuses to seek help for our marriage. As usual, it’s all my fault. But now I know better.
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Or Not.
“You are a good person. I wish you would stop analyzing every thought you have – it has GOT to be emotionally draining. You already know what is right and what is wrong. You shouldn’t have to think about it every step of the way…Stop analyzing the decisions that revolve around the basic nature of
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Hostile Take-Over
Abuse of any sort is a hostile takeover. He’s there, everywhere you turn, every thought you think must first go through the filter “Is it okay to do this? Is it okay to say this? Am I going to start trouble if I go ahead with this?” It’s enough to make the sanest person crazy.
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Sex and Emotional Abuse
Today the following entry amazes me. I wrote the truth. I drew the truth. My unconscious mind knew he abused me and I knew I walked a dark path. But I went down it anyway. I didn’t know anything about emotional abuse. I wish someone had told me when I was young. From 1992 Journal Entry: “Maybe
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