Kellie Jo Holly
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My Buttons Get Pushed – But I Control My Reactions
I’m reading a book1 in which the authors identify three common ways people think when confronted with button-pushing people and an alternative, healthier way to think. In a prior post, I wrote about some stinking thinking before I knew what it was: “Or maybe it’s me blaming myself for not seeing this coming. Maybe it’s me thinking that no matter what I…
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Leaving Abuse and Codependency: Smart Piggy
The little kid in me wants to shout, “It’s not fair!” and run away fast and hard. I want to put all the blame on HIM. I want HIM to be the big bad wolf and leave me to be the little pig who had the foresight to build a brick house, light the fire,…
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I'm not the only one
“How do I stop my partner’s emotional bullying from affecting me?” Read the answers at experienceproject.com – I didn’t find one that suited me. But this is what I would tell anyone who asked me that question: “YOU CAN NOT FIX HIM !! NO MATTER HOW MUCH CRAP YOU TAKE FROM HIM WILL NOT MAKE…
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My Abusive Husband Wants His Wife, Not Me
Recently, my husband acknowledged that he’s seen this blog. He says he can read it if he pretends his wife doesn’t write it. He says that he wants to educate himself, that my blog and site “would be very educational” to people who also “think” they have an abuse problem. He has never addressed a specific post or even acknowledged…
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Fake Name True Story
I was off in thought today, considering what my husband, who says he reads this blog, thinks of it. At first he was really pissed off about it and asked me not to use his name or pictures because of military confidentiality concerns. So I blurred his face and changed his name to Will. I thought “Will” was…
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Hunger Issues
Maybe seeing that I DO have control over things other than food is a feeling that I can trust. IF, in fact, I am regaining some control over myself and my life, then maybe I could afford to change a few tiny things to goose me into better nutrition.
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Hungry Angry Lonely Tired = Out of Control
Al-Anon taught me that if I’m Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, then I am more likely to screw up my emotional well-being. Of course, I was focused on alcoholism at the time, but I think that HALT will apply to my attempts to deal with abuse, too.
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Comment Spam
I was looking through the spam comments caught by akismet and NOT sent to me to approve. There are 32 of them collected in the past 10 days or so. Suddenly I thought about my husband’s comments to me. Most of them are spam, too. I’m hoping that I’ll learn to activate my brain’s spam…
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You make me so MAD!!
I know that pausing to take control of my thoughts after he has said or done something “unbelievable,” “horrible,” or “unforgivable” may be extremely difficult. I’ve conditioned myself to skip over my own thoughts and run straight for the gold – the “gold” is my ability to react to him in a way that may…
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Dysfunctional Motivation
For now, I’m going to give myself a break. Yes, I know that the motivation is emotionally and mentally unhealthy. I’ve laid out reasons why I should NOT entertain the idea, and yet I haven’t talked myself out of embracing it.
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