Abuse Hides in the Dark. Turn on Your Light.

About Relationship Abuse


  • Secrets Worth Keeping

    Secrets Worth Keeping

    When I started this blog, I was an open book. I told it ALL, and it felt wonderful to unload. Will desperately wanted me to shut up, to forget about it, to stop telling “lies”. I knew I couldn’t stop telling my truth. Spilling those secrets was the best thing I ever did for myself because

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  • Most Abused Women Describe Abuser as Dependable

    Most Abused Women Describe Abuser as Dependable

    An article in Time reports that “women who said they were abused, 54% characterized their partners as very reliable, and 21% said that their partners had many positive characteristics.” There is so much to learn about abusive relationships. I’m not surprised by the findings. For some reason, I want to believe Will is reliable, when

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  • No Wishbones for Me

    No Wishbones for Me

    A facebook friend posted this quote: “Never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.” Good advice. But I think my wishbone is coming back. Or maybe it just never left. I think I am foolish for wishing what I wish. My wish is the same as the day I started this blog:

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  • The Boys & The Abuser as Primary Custodian

    The Boys & The Abuser as Primary Custodian

    I am SO HAPPY to have my boys with me right now. Will is “primary” parent right now, but he allowed me to bring the boys home with me last night and they will stay with me through Sunday. Will swears we’ll do the same cycle over again until we get back into court on

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  • There is No Good God – Primary Custody to Abusive Husband

    There is No Good God – Primary Custody to Abusive Husband

    I hope God’s absence in my heart means that he’s present with Eddie and Marc. I hope God curled up in bed beside Eddie tonight to whisper my I love yous.

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  • Residue from My Abusive Relationship Clogs My Brain

    Residue from My Abusive Relationship Clogs My Brain

    The residue from my abusive relationship clogs my brain neurons like smoke and nicotine residue clogs electronics. Enough smoke and the greasy nicotine will kill a computer, a server…enough abusive residue can kill my brain function. I’ve got to clean the residue from my brain so I can start fresh. My most limiting belief is

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  • I Was Happy at Times but Couldn’t Notice It

    I Was Happy at Times but Couldn’t Notice It

    I experienced these small instances of happiness, but then I quickly let them fade as I chose to tend to the pain, confusion, and sense of merely living through the day. Maybe now, because I know the pain is constantly ready to surface, I am more willing to let the good feelings wash over and…

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  • I’d Rather Risk Losing Than Break His Heart

    I’d Rather Risk Losing Than Break His Heart

    I’m not prepared to negotiate in private with my abusive ex for custody of our children. The judge will have to decide. This may have a bad end.

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  • I’m Not A Victim, Don’t Feel Like A Survivor

    I’m Not A Victim, Don’t Feel Like A Survivor

    Victim or survivor? There has to be a different word for what I have experienced and what is to come. I don’t feel like repeating the word “victim” to myself or portraying myself as such. I am a “survivor” of abuse; however, the word survivor brings to my mind those who have been seriously and

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  • A Necessary Evil: Pain of Separating from Abuser

    A Necessary Evil: Pain of Separating from Abuser

    I saw Will today. He looks good. Softer. I caught him glance at me sidelong and I wondered what he was thinking. Will gave Marc a bag to put in the trunk of my car. It is going to stay there, unopened. Marc relayed that his dad didn’t have room for whatever is in the bag, and

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