Abuse Hides in the Dark. Turn on Your Light.


  • ‘You Hate Men!’ Is Diversion . . . and Retraumatization

    ‘You Hate Men!’ Is Diversion . . . and Retraumatization

    Telling me that my rape is the source of our problems is a diversion. It turns me away from whatever Will is doing and causes me to examine myself. By blaming my past for our current problems is also wrong. Will blames me for our problems without taking any responsibility for his behavior.


  • What Does Living with Domestic Abuse Feel Like?

    What Does Living with Domestic Abuse Feel Like?

    Living with domestic abuse feels like you’re carrying around a 500-pound weight–except you don’t realize you’re carrying the weight. You don’t remember how much grander life felt before you picked up the weight, because adding it to your burdens happened so gradually. Imperceptibly, Abuse built its home on your shoulders. Effects of Living With Domestic…


  • About Abuse

    About Abuse

    What Are Other Words for Abuse? You might hear abuse called many things: Who Is Abused? Abusers target any person (adult or child) regardless of age, race, religion, education level, IQ, economic background, culture, or community status. Who Gets It Worse, Men or Women? As a society, we tend to assume that abusers are men…


  • Why Did It Take Me So Long to Leave My Abusive Marriage?

    Why Did It Take Me So Long to Leave My Abusive Marriage?

    HealthyPlace.com interviewed me about leaving an abusive marriage yesterday. It is now almost a year after I left my abuser, but before our divorce is final. I have some issues with the interview, and I’m not certain I delivered my message as clearly as I wanted. I want to use this post to clear up…


  • Distraction & Manipulation

    Distraction & Manipulation

    My husband accused our son of drinking Jack Daniels, but wanted to do nothing about it. I sense an ulterior motive to distract me from his abuse of me.


  • Hope is Worry Backwards

    Hope is Worry Backwards

    Hope is wonderful when it comes to hoping it won’t rain. But if you’re hoping it won’t rain, aren’t you also worrying that it will? Hope is not good to base your life around. “I hope my life improves.” Good. That’s cool. I hope your life improves, too. I’m not going to do anything about…


  • Resisting Persuasion

    Resisting Persuasion

    WHAT? I asked myself why “resisting persuasion” and “verbal abuse tactics” were one and the same. The only logical explanation that I can currently come up with is that he uses these tactics because he feels that I am trying to persuade HIM into thinking or doing something that he doesn’t want to do.


  • I See the Best in You

    And I remember that he paused, maybe only for half a second, but as if he realized how crazy this argument was. As if, in that half second, he came face to face with the realization that he was behaving erratically and irrationally.


  • Gaslighting Abuse Means War for My Heart & Mind

    Gaslighting Abuse Means War for My Heart & Mind

    Perhaps I am so important to him that he feels we should be as one mind. Unfortunately, this thought seems to translate into we should be of his mind and “my mind should disappear and stop causing so many problems.


  • Hostile Take-Over

    Hostile Take-Over

    Abuse of any sort is a hostile takeover. He’s there, everywhere you turn, every thought you think must first go through the filter “Is it okay to do this? Is it okay to say this? Am I going to start trouble if I go ahead with this?” It’s enough to make the sanest person crazy.…