During My Abusive Marriage
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Questions for God
And God, why do I feel alone in the world? Why is there such a distance between Will and me? Why doesn’t he want to hang out with his boys? Why am I the only one talking to our boys about you, but he’s the one who insists they be Catholic? Why do we have…
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Mere Woman
He got SO MAD at me! He said that we didn’t have the fucking money for a tow truck and told me to go away. As I walked away with tears in my eyes, he yelled something about What the HELL do you think YOU could do anyway?!
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Abuse Described In The Bible Proverbs 6:16-19
Proverbs 6:16-19: Looking inward to find the source of my pain I once again miss the forest for the trees. If I had once thought about my husband as I looked at the list of what God hates, maybe I could have realized he abused me sooner.
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Depression Relief, Delusions of Joy
Abuse came before Depression in my marriage, but when my Depression lifted (thanks Prozac) I entered another fantasy world.
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Goals For Me Implanted Through Brainwashing
By 1998, I didn’t even know what I wanted for me anymore. His goals for me became my goals for myself, inserted neat and clean in my mind with brainwashing.
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We Had a Bad Day
First a Note Note from 2012: One of my greatest fears is that my behavior negatively affects my boys. Looking back on this journal entry makes that fear real. I know they’ve felt pain due to my yelling. I don’t always separate my frustrations with my relationship and myself from my frustrations with my children.
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I’m Always Saying Something Stupid
I’d say I was lonely or tired or sad and he would get angry and tell me “You have it so fucking good! You don’t have a damn thing to complain about!”
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Detaching from an Alcoholic
Al-Anon is helping me to detach from Will’s drinking, but I’m not liking it too much. I feel responsible for making him well and happy so he can be NICE.
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Try to Be Nice
Note from 2012: We lived apart for two months in 1994. It was no honeymoon period, that’s for sure. I believe Will abused me during this period to confuse me and keep me on my toes. I mean, if our relationship was in turmoil, I wouldn’t have time to think about myself. I couldn’t detach
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I Blamed Myself for My Rotten Marriage
Early on, I blamed myself for all that was wrong. “I’m always proving my love to him, but I fail in his eyes. Always. I can’t do anything well enough.”
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