Staying in Abusive Relationships
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What Is Real?
How do people know when they’re being authentic? How do people overcome fear? How can I be sure the verbal abuse is real? Why is it so hard to believe?
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He Will Hurt Me, So I Stay? Makes No Sense. This is a Mind Fuck.
On the other hand, it is painful and hard for me to remember that he would, could and has hurt me physically – but it’s happened three times now. Nothing that will create a bruise where it will show. Something that he can deny to himself, to me, to anyone. Something that he ultimately blames…
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Bat Shit Crazy is Better Than Abused
Will deployed to Iraq and I’m in our home in North Carolina with our boys. Will doesn’t call or write very often and it’s easy to pretend that I’m alone. I don’t particularly enjoy it when he does call because our conversations are all about the business of being married and the occasional sneak-attack to…
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Not Depressed, Just Unhappy
He tells me that I’m “spoiled and don’t even know it.” No – he’s spoiled. Everything is on HIS terms. Everything I do is working around him. All I’ve got is a half-hearted promise that one day this marriage can be “all about me.” Even then, I have to live in his hermit house. So,…
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Causing Drama
Drama queen – causing drama because I’m bored? Because I’m unhappy? Because he says so?Making excitement for myself by creating conflict, living with it and then revealing it in my own time – when I can’t handle the stress alone anymore. Maybe I am a drama queen.
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Conversation With Depression
This journal entry comes from a 6-month separation from Will as he re-trained for the Army. While selling our house in Texas, the boys and I moved to Indiana to stay with my grandmother. I was very sad most of the time we were there. I didn’t miss Will, and I didn’t know what was…
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Voices In My Head Can’t Agree on How I Should Behave
How do I be my own mother and father AND be a mom and dad for Marc and Eddie? There doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day. I don’t even know what I need.
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Opals and Roses for 10th Anniversary – Rape 2 Nights Before
Gotta love those honeymoon periods. Or maybe I gotta love how desperate my brain is to protect me from the truth. Will raped me to regain power over me so I would agree that returning to the military was a good idea.
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No Choice In The Matter
Will decided to return to the Army. I had no choice. I can’t help but wonder if he chose this particular time to make this drastic move to disrupt my goal to complete my bachelor’s degree. Now, years in the future, if that was his plan, I know it worked. It wasn’t until I separated…
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