Abuse Hides in the Dark. Turn on Your Light.

Opals and Roses for 10th Anniversary – Rape 2 Nights Before

Two days ago I felt he used sex to punish me. Now I'm in love again?

Two days ago I felt he used sex to punish me. Now I'm in love again? Yep. That's how it goes in abusive marriages - a rollercoaster ride of love and hate.I am looking forward to graduation and having a little peace. You know, getting this far in school has really been an accomplishment. I am proud of myself.

Our 10th anniversary was yesterday. Will got me some pretty opal earrings and some roses. I am really happy with us, too. I am just a proud person.

He is such a part of me. We’re celebrating this weekend.

March 2012 Note:

At the time of the above journal entry, we are dealing with horrible situations. At least I am dealing with horrible situations, he is getting his way. He chose to go back into the Army with no input from me. He asked my opinion, I said no, and he did it anyway. And then, a few nights after that argument, he used sex to punish me.

What am I thinking?

I’m probably thinking: He’s the breadwinner, he should be happy at work, and he was happy in the military.

Will always gets a pass. I always give in. I don’t like to hold grudges, I don’t want to rock his boat. I don’t want to suffer his wrath. And for what? More angst, more pain, more disrespect, and less control over my own destiny.

Gotta love those honeymoon periods. Or maybe I gotta love how desperate my brain is to protect me from the truth. Will raped me to regain power over me so I would agree that returning to the military was a good idea.

this post is an excerpt from Kellie Jo Holly's book