When I Left My Abuser
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Secrets Worth Keeping
When I started this blog, I was an open book. I told it ALL, and it felt wonderful to unload. Will desperately wanted me to shut up, to forget about it, to stop telling “lies”. I knew I couldn’t stop telling my truth. Spilling those secrets was the best thing I ever did for myself because…
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My New Job is to Overcome Pain
Will and I get along when there are witnesses, but not so much when there are none. That’s okay. I can deal. Especially now that I have my own home to go to at the end of the day. I think if I ever have the opportunity to advise someone in a similar situation, I…
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Detached from Abuse: This Is Me, That Is Him
I am not naive enough to think this will be easy. It would be nice if some great hand would reach down from the sky to snatch a long-lost relative who left me (and my sister, mother, and grandmas) millions. But as much fun as it is to consider that inane possibility, I do not…
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‘You’d Better Write Something Good About Me’
Tonight, a conversation occurred that I knew would come but hoped would not. Will was angry after reading the past few days’ blog entries. He feels that he is doing everything he can to provide for me, and yet I continue to drag his name through the mud. He says that he believes that I…
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No Wishbones for Me
A facebook friend posted this quote: “Never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.” Good advice. But I think my wishbone is coming back. Or maybe it just never left. I think I am foolish for wishing what I wish. My wish is the same as the day I started this blog:…
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The Boys & The Abuser as Primary Custodian
I am SO HAPPY to have my boys with me right now. Will is “primary” parent right now, but he allowed me to bring the boys home with me last night and they will stay with me through Sunday. Will swears we’ll do the same cycle over again until we get back into court on…
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Mediation
Will and I went to mediation yesterday. We did not sign a parenting agreement. We return to mediation on May 3rd, a date by which we plan to have a financial consent order in place. I told him I wouldn’t sign ANYTHING until after the custody mediation. However, Will suggested I keep the boys with…
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There is No Good God – Primary Custody to Abusive Husband
I hope God’s absence in my heart means that he’s present with Eddie and Marc. I hope God curled up in bed beside Eddie tonight to whisper my I love yous.
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Not Over Yet
Book Excerpt He left with the boys, but I felt like he was still outside. Still wanting me to do something I didn’t want to do. I knew he wasn’t there, but I felt him all around me; if he had intended to invoke fear in me, he succeeded. Eventually I watched the end of…
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Residue from My Abusive Relationship Clogs My Brain
The residue from my abusive relationship clogs my brain neurons like smoke and nicotine residue clogs electronics. Enough smoke and the greasy nicotine will kill a computer, a server…enough abusive residue can kill my brain function. I’ve got to clean the residue from my brain so I can start fresh. My most limiting belief is…
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