My Life After Abuse
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In Isolation
During my marriage, I lived in isolation. I knew people outside of my home and sometimes shared specific experiences concerning my ex-husband with them. But somehow, I managed to keep most of the pain and embarrassment concerning my family’s truths buried deep inside. So deeply were they buried that I was able to keep them…
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Detaching from My Abuser: Hold and Release
There must be something in the air. My mood is so serious, like a rain-filled cloud threatening to rain on my parade. Although I feel in my gut that I’m moving in the right direction, I’m getting stronger, finding out who I am and what I like (and don’t), … there’s something heavily sad about…
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Becoming Myself After the Abuse: I’m Not That Person . . . Yet
The past month whirled around me, through me, like a red wine hurricane. I feel alive and strong, but spinning uncontrollably in my heart are questions and wishes that I’m not ready to answer or fulfill. I feel like I’m in danger of losing my vision because time isn’t pacing itself with my desires –…
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Searching for Who I Am
One time an old friend said he pictured me as Peggy Hill and I about had a heart attack. Right there. On the spot. You can’t forget being compared to Peggy Hill. It ain’t funny, y’all. I felt like sending him a picture, but seeing that I was 200 pounds, I refrained thinking he would…
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Life’s Luxuries are New to Me
For the first time in a very long time, I’m dealing with a variety of emotions, bad and good (if I have to judge an emotion as bad or good…). In the last year(s?) of my marriage, I dealt with anger, betrayal, fear, bitterness, probably even hate. But now there is a world of emotion…
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Some Guy Off the Street
As you may have gathered from my last post, I am entertaining the thought of having some wonderful sex in the future. While that is true, I can’t seem to think about sex without also thinking about a “RELATIONSHIP”. Well, that isn’t entirely true. I very well can imagine the sex without a relationship, but…
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Gotta Raise
A few days ago, my boss gave me a tape measure with my name written on it in permanent marker. I was so darn happy to see that thing – such a simple thing, yet it caused me so much joy! My name in permanent marker on a tape measure. Go figure. So anyway, today…
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Secrets Worth Keeping
When I started this blog, I was an open book. I told it ALL, and it felt wonderful to unload. Will desperately wanted me to shut up, to forget about it, to stop telling “lies”. I knew I couldn’t stop telling my truth. Spilling those secrets was the best thing I ever did for myself because…
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My New Job is to Overcome Pain
Will and I get along when there are witnesses, but not so much when there are none. That’s okay. I can deal. Especially now that I have my own home to go to at the end of the day. I think if I ever have the opportunity to advise someone in a similar situation, I…
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Detached from Abuse: This Is Me, That Is Him
I am not naive enough to think this will be easy. It would be nice if some great hand would reach down from the sky to snatch a long-lost relative who left me (and my sister, mother, and grandmas) millions. But as much fun as it is to consider that inane possibility, I do not…
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