One time an old friend said he pictured me as Peggy Hill and I about had a heart attack. Right there. On the spot. You can’t forget being compared to Peggy Hill. It ain’t funny, y’all.
I felt like sending him a picture, but seeing that I was 200 pounds, I refrained thinking he would then picture me as Miss Piggy! Besides, it wasn’t the physical aspects, I hope, but the simple fact that I now lived in “The South” – that foreign, steamy, mystical place we Northern Chicks sometimes think about.
Now that I have lived there, I’ve found that most nights are not sultry, sit on the porch fanning and drinking tea kind of nights. They’re merely frigging hot. I still feel out of place, out of sync, with the others who can point to their great-grandmother’s house on that hill over there.
I don’t transplant well, I suppose. It’s been fourteen years of Southern living. If I were gonna grow roots here, they would have sprouted by now.
Who I Might Become
I’m starting to see myself as a traveler. I’d like to visit foreign lands and stay for awhile. I’d like to move to different areas of this country to see if I mesh with the natives a little better in the West, or the Southwest. Or maybe New England, although I have the feeling that like the far South, the extreme North may be foreign to me, too. I’ll visit Alaska via cruise ship only – I hear it’s breathtaking. Then, after the traveling, I’ll pick a place, or maybe the last place I travel to will simply pick me and I’ll stay because it gets me, through and through.
Part of me knows that this search for the perfect exterior place is a pipe dream. I don’t really believe I’ll find that place until I know myself through and through AND am strong enough to not compromise what I want for myself for what someone else wants for me, or for what I want for them. The exterior world mirrors my soul; if I’m uncomfortable somewhere, it’s because I do not know who I am there. It’s because I’m looking for some external validation that I am okay, perfect the way I am.
I have to be very careful and remember to pay attention to my self, my opinions, my wants, and needs, before I go searching for someplace (or someone) that TELLS me I’m okay. I want to know that I’m wonderful, beautiful, creative and strong deep inside, for me.
Read this entire post and more. Buy My Abusive Marriage . . . and what happened when i left it by Kellie Jo Holly
When you are happy within yourself, and learn to love you, your surroundings will be beuatiful and your ability to love places and people will improve. If you know your value, you will learn to feel your worth. I believe when you see yourself with the love God has for you, you will know where you belong. Here’s to your journey…
newdirection, thank you for being there for me. Your wisdom guided me well. But I’m wondering if I’ll ever feel “okay” for me. This road is difficult and the things other people say still throw me off my game a bit. I sometimes wish I weren’t so close to my hurt feelings.