Recovery from Domestic Abuse
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Perfectionism And Abuse – January 2013
Hello! I feel disappointed in myself. I haven’t kept up with this newsletter as I intended. It turned into an automatic mailing of blog updates…how boring! I’m sorry for that, and I intend to do much better. I vow that I will no longer try to create the “perfect” newsletter. I sense that perfection is too…
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Abuse And The Quest For Perfection
“Perfection” bedevils many of us, myself included. Perhaps you suffer from it yourself. I could blame my experience with abuse for it because, as you well know, abusers expect perfection from us victims. Not our idea of perfection, but their idea of the perfect wife, husband, child or friend.
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Emotional Abuse Changes Your Brain FAST
Happy New Year! Let’s welcome it with fireworks of a different kind. The kind of fireworks that change your brain in a good way instead of by receiving emotional abuse. Consider those electric fireworks (impulses) in your brain, firing away on their habitual path. Continuing into the new year with your old habits won’t change…
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Life with an Abuser Vs Life with Freedom and Choice
I left my life with an abuser almost three years ago, and the real roller coaster of life revealed itself. On the uphill climbs, I feel simultaneously excited and worried about reaching the top. Sitting on the peak, before the thrilling plummet, I feel on top of my game, as if nothing can break me. The…
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My Helpful Friend Is Really A Control Freak!
I have a friend who is as controlling as my ex, but in a different way. She comes to my new place calls my kid’s toys & clothing junk. She makes judgement calls on my other friends insisting that they are holding me back, but she is the one who won’t let me move forward! I feel…
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Honor Your Fear and Act
If you are afraid, there is a reason. Explore it before you’re in imminent danger. Even if your abuser has never laid a hand on you, if your intuition tells you something is going to happen, trust yourself. I’ve found two books that said that the best indicator of future domestic violence is the victim’s…
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After Abuse, Don’t Look Far to Find Yourself
You Didn’t Lose Yourself, You Hid After abuse, when we look into the mirror, we think we see someone we do not know anymore. We tend to think the abuse changed us at our core. We worry that we’ll never be “that girl” ever again. But I’ve decided to think of the effects of abuse…
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I’m in Long-Term Counseling
Find “the right” counselor. You get to decide who is the right counselor, no one else. If you don’t feel comfortable with a therapist after three visits, continue counseling but start looking for a better match. There are different kinds of therapies available to you. I recommend one that deals with the here and now…
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Lessons I’ve Learned From the Dark Side
I have a wealth of lessons learned because of my experience with the dark side of humanity. I’ll bet all of you have learned a thing or two because of your abusive relationships, too. Maya Angelou said, “I can be changed by what happened to me; but I refuse to be reduced by it.” Abuse…
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Mothers Separated From Children: One Way to Connect If The Abuser Wins Custody
And if you do lose custody, “a study of cases brought to appeal showed reversals in the mothers’ favor when domestic violence was considered” (Daniel Saunders, PhD). So always appeal an initial horrible judgment, and find an attorney who is well-versed in domestic violence from the get go.
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