Abuse Hides in the Dark. Turn on Your Light.

About Relationship Abuse

  • Denial


    Denial Is Lying Meant to Control Denial is the same as lying, and some verbal abusers are mistaken for “pathological liars” because they use denial as a form of control so often. Lying to control others is different from lying out of habit or any other pathological reason. For example, pathological liars lie to everyone, all the time, for no reason,…


  • Countering


    Countering Is Devious and Crazymaking Countering occurs when your abuser expresses the near opposite of what you say no matter if In the context of verbal abuse, countering is not the same as disagreeing. It is normal for people to disagree and hold differing opinions. Countering involves irrationality and a degree of anger because you have thoughts and feelings. An abuser…


  • Forgetting


    What Is Forgetting as It Relates to Verbal Abuse? “Forgetting involves both denial and covert manipulation. […] Consistently forgetting interactions which have a great impact on another person is verbally abusive denial.” The key to knowing if your abuser is forgetting on purpose is to pay attention to how important the request is to you.…


  • Trivializing


    What Is Trivializing? To explain trivializing, I need you to think about a time when you felt a great sense of accomplishment. For example, when I finished my first website, I felt that kind of pride. Maybe you got a promotion at work or taught your child their ABCs or climbed Mount Everest! For a…


  • Blocking and Diverting

    Blocking and Diverting

    What Is Blocking and Diverting and Why Do Abusers Use It? Blocking and diverting is basically changing the topic of a conversation or refusing to participate in it to gain control. Changing a normal conversation into one that shocks and hurts you is a control tactic designed to disorient and confuse you. A confused person is easier…


  • Accusing and Blaming

    Accusing and Blaming

    What’s the Purpose of Accusing and Blaming? Accusing and blaming help abusers take the focus off of what they’re doing and put it onto their victims. If your abuser can convincingly accuse you of “starting this whole thing” or blame you for their actions, then you’re likely to consider their viewpoint, maybe agree then try to prove…


  • Abusive Anger

    Abusive Anger

    What Is Abusive Anger? Why Do Abusers Use It? Abusive anger benefits abusive people by sending shockwaves of doubt and fear through their target’s mind and body. The target will freeze, flee, or fight back. The best thing to do is flee – leave the area. Besides preventing further emotional turmoil, abusive anger can turn violent even…


  • True Stories of Abuse

    True Stories of Abuse

    We are no longer accepting submissions. But you’ll find our collection of true stories of abuse helpful. Here are some stories from people just like you: Why Do We Share True Stories of Abuse? True stories of abuse are important for several reasons: Overall, true stories of abuse are an important tool for creating awareness,…


  • Name-Calling Is Pure Verbal Abuse

    Name-Calling Is Pure Verbal Abuse

    What Is the Purpose of Name-Calling? If your partner calls you ugly names or sweet things but in a sarcastic tone, then you are verbally abused. Sometimes, not calling you by name at all is abusive too. Abusive people name-call in hope that you will feel unworthy, stupid, and as if who you are isn’t good enough.…


  • Verbal Abuse Disguised as a Joke

    Verbal Abuse Disguised as a Joke

    What Is Abuse Disguised as Jokes? Abuse disguised as a joke happens when abusers tease or make fun of you, usually in front of others. However, you know they are threats and put-downs in disguise. They’re sick personal “jokes” between the two of you. Only you know the real story behind his “humor.” Friends probably wonder why…