Domestic Violence Survivor Quotes, in Their Own Words

These quotes come from people who wrote to this site about their own relationships. Some had already left. Some were still living with it the day they wrote. None of them are famous, and none of these lines were written to be quoted.

They are sorted by where the writer was standing at the time. Short Quotes section covers the full arc. Then, Not sure it was abuse, The moment it became clear, Living with it, Feeling stuck, Getting out, After. Start anywhere. Every quote links to the full story it came from.

On This Page:

Short Quotes From Domestic Abuse Survivors

Taken from different points in what follows. If you read nothing else on this page, read these.

Someone please tell me if I am crazy or if I am in an abusive relationship?
Destiny

It was very insidious at first…
Christy

He said I was too sensitive, that he was only joking after saying something mean.
Cindy

To figure out I was being abused, I needed a book.
Gabi

I hid my phone in my bra when he was in another room looking for it.
KareMarie

I have no scars on my body to show the police. My soul is scarred.
Ann

I knew I was being abused because I started becoming an abuser.
Kate

The real reason you stay is that you fear the loss of yourself.
Boring

I slept with my cell phone and keys in the front of my jeans just in case, and yes, I slept fully dressed so I could run if I had to.
Robin

I left 13 years ago. I feel amazing.
Anne

I can breathe.
Marie P

Not Sure It Was Abuse

Almost nobody here knew what to call it at the time. Some worked it out years later. Some say they still go back and forth.

I was degraded, patronized, and belittled all without really knowing it.
Watch You Cry

I thought that abuse was only serious if it was physical.
Casey

Was it really all in my head, or was I driving him somehow to torment me in private?
Sam

I was constantly in fear. I thought I would explode with anxiety.
Little Angelou

One of my issues is that I always feel as if I am in the wrong and not really good at anything so I often don’t know if it is me or him.
Rose

I am so used to “second guessing” myself that I still wonder if I am over reacting!
Kacy

In my journal I called it ‘abuse’ or ‘verbal violence’ – but somehow still did not know what this really meant.
Ali

Then I lived for 9 years in abuse that I did not recognize.
Kacy

The Moment It Became Clear

For some it was a book or a search. For others it was a friend, a counselor, or one sentence they could not make themselves say.

It took me a long time to realize I was being abused.
Caroline

I have come to realize it is not normal to be constantly torn down and demeaned.
Carolyn

My girlfriend told me, “When someone shows you who they are … Believe them.”
Freeda

Then I realize I wouldn’t be peeping out the window every two minutes, afraid he will come home and find me writing this, if I weren’t being abused.
Pamela

I did a Google search and learned that I was being verbally abused.
Linda A

I researched verbal abuse online and found myself connecting to 90% of the information.
Leah

The lady on the hotline would finish my sentences for me. Someone understood!
Pam

I was in therapy for myself because I thought I was being too harsh with my kids.
Lisa

It wasn’t until my lawyer referred to my ex as an abuser that I was able to acknowledge to myself that she was abusive and I was forever going to be a victim of domestic abuse.
Alyssa

When I realized I fit the list in almost every category, I decided I had to remove myself. It took years but I did it.
Trace

I didn’t come to the full realization until he told me one day to tell our children he had never abused me. Something in me balked at this. I knew I couldn’t do it.
Caroline

Am I becoming like him?
Catherine

Living With It

These are the days themselves. What it is like inside the relationship, described by people who were living it.

The name calling started out as a small thing and now its a daily thing…it’s my life.
Katy

Any given day I could wake up to Prince Charming or to unhappy and going-to-ruin-your-day-and-blame-you-for-everything Tyrant.
Leslie

All the time I feel like walking on eggshells and trying to “correct” my sentence before I speak just so to avoid him getting pissed off if the words I say is “wrong” to his perception.
Elana

If I raise an issue with him, including any of these or other issues that are hurtful or confusing or creepy to me, it always turns into a loud, angry, hours or days long discussion of what I am doing wrong.
Gabi

It was always my things that were broke and I was always wrong.
Freeda

Vulnerability is no longer possible.
Ali

He says one thing and does another…I feel like I can’t trust my own ideas and feelings on things. Am I crazy?
Catherine

He refuses to give me examples…why, because if I wasn’t so stupid…I would know why.
Donna

I am nervous and jumpy when he is around and feel I can’t relax.
Candy

He just came down as I was writing this and of course asked what I was writing because I closed the computer and I told him it was personal but I know I will be punished for it later as usual.
Connie

He will be at his most charming in front of them and I’ll be dying inside.
Jo

He’s never physically hit me, but his words and attitude towards me are feeling more and more like punches, kicks and blows every day.
RandomlyK

There was a place in my head, he could not reach and that’s where I stayed during his rants and raves. That place saved my life.
Cathi

It was like there was a second ‘me’ watching the other one all the time to make sure she didn’t slip up. What kind of a life is that?
Rita

I stayed with him because he made me feel so awful, that when he complimented me the next day it felt so good and the four days out of the week when he was sweet and caring to me was worth it.
Jen

Feeling Stuck

Knowing what it is and being able to leave are two different things. If you want the longer answer to why that gap exists, it is here: Why Can’t I Just Leave?

I feel like I need someone to literally remove me from this.
Adrienne

I wanted to leave but I felt as though I were in a prison.
Cait

Why can’t I leave this man?
Claudia

It always feels like there is no good time to leave.
Susanna

There is enough emotional pain that I can’t go on like this. I want out.
Patricia B

I keep saying it but I need a plan.
Melanie

Trust your memory, then plan with it

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Getting Out

What people actually did in the weeks and days before they went.

It’s time to start making a plan.
Melanie

I wrote down why I was leaving in a private journal. I did that so that if I doubted myself I would have concrete evidence – from myself – that I was making the right decision.
Amber

I still have days where I begin to think that perhaps I’m wrong and it’s not as bad as what I am somehow making out … and then I read back over my journal, over the websites etc. and my eyes are opened again to the awful truth.
Ali

I have started to make arrangements so that I won’t be totally unprepared if he does decide to leave, or if I need to.
Jo

I have to choose the solution that sucks the least.
Lisa

I also talked to people, not lots of people, just some people because otherwise, when you leave, it’s as if you made it all up.
Boring

I got my own separate checking account and had him write me a fair check to get started.
Anne

It got to the point that I had to move during the day after he left for work.
Ashley

I was terrified to leave but knew I had to leave for my personal safety and that of my child.
Peacock Lady

I followed through this time with going.
Jennifer

After

Leaving is not the end of it. Relief, freedom, guilt and grief all turn up here, sometimes in the same person.

I felt a huge relief after I left.
Jennifer

I’m able to live a life, instead of living as an extension of his.
Amber

It’s been almost 4 weeks now, I’m grieving still, but not as much. I notice I don’t have night terrors anymore and I feel a bit free, but guilty, very guilty.
KareMarie

I used to be so afraid of him. Terrified. I’m not afraid anymore.
Pam

Step by step I am getting stronger, but I now know that the best thing I ever did was speak out.
Cait

I struggle with feeling good, pretty, sexy, and most of all worthy enough.
Angela

I want the 16 yrs of my life back that he took away from me.
Christy

And here I am…..finding solace that others have gone through something similar and come out just fine.
Sharon

I left in 1981. I live a happy and rich life, I have my own home and work in the field of domestic violence and sexual assault. I look forward to each day.
Peacock Lady

You can find many more abuse quotes in the stories of abuse and the stories of leaving, all from domestic abuse sufferers and survivors.