Abuse Hides in the Dark. Turn on Your Light.

Patricia B’s Story of Abuse

He makes fun of me by calling me a college grad, & he tells people "She's 50 years old and still in school! She still can't get it."

Patricia’s Signs of Being Abused

My signs of being abused were verbal, emotional, mental, and physical.

Patricia’s Emotional Signs of Abuse

Can’t go on, Stuck, Hurt

Patricia’s Story of Abuse

He makes fun of me by calling me a college grad, & he tells people "She's 50 years old and still in school! She still can't get it." The day before our wedding, he gave me the silent treatment. I thought it was cold feet. After we married, there were more silent treatments and when I ask him what was was wrong, he yells at me, “Why does there always have to be something wrong?!”

In front of people he is usually nice, but behind closed doors he calls me names. I graduated college, and my job requires me to get another degree to keep in the position I am in with an additional $60,000/year raise. I have to go to school. He makes fun of me by calling me a college grad, and when we’re around people now he tells them “She’s 50 years old and still in school! She still can’t get it.” or “She’s so dumb for a college grad!”

Now he’s staying out late at night. Three weeks ago, he came in and I asked him where he had been. He took the remote for the tv and turned it up as loud as it would go, so picked up the remote to turn it down. He twisted my arm so bad I had a severe bruise. He tore the muscle in my arm and around my elbow. When I showed him what he did, he said, “Pretty strong for an old guy!”

Last night he started me calling me names again and was mad because I worked late. He said, “Just because your in college you think your smart!” I snapped. I told him to stop making fun of me. He threw a bowl of ice cream at me that I had made him, then he made me clean it up. I told him I don’t think we should be together any more. He said, “Maybe you’re right.”

He’s been gone again all day today. I told him that today was the 3rd anniversary of my father’s death, plus I needed him at home to help pack (we already have a lease agreement for a bigger house).  He said I insulted him and “As far as your father, all the tears you cry won’t  bring him back. Get over it. Just get over it.” He said I hit him and I insulted him, he would come home when he wanted.

This has been going on for 13 years. The silent treatments can last for two weeks at a time. He calls me fat, rude ugly names, and then will encourage me to go to school get a degree. But he turns around and is abusive by calling me names again, putting me down, calling the fat stupid college grad. He promised me new living room furniture, but now says, “Get it yourself – you’re the college grad.”

When I tell him what he’s doing, it is never his fault. We moved to [omitted place] where all his family & friends live, and he says it my fault we’re here. He moved me away from my family. He keeps us in debt.

I want out, but I just got this job. I really want to go home where my kids are.

I have had to have surgery because of a broken neck from a skiing accident, and he won’t help me do anything. He won’t help me pack my things and there is no one else here to help me. I have been the stupid one in buying things to make him love me. If I left I would get stuck paying all the bills, because he claims he didn’t want any of this. He has two trucks a car and a motorcycle and I paid child support for him for 13 years. On our 2010 and 2012 anniversaries, he told me he wanted a divorce.

There is enough emotional pain that I can’t go on like this. I want out.

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