Staying Is a Choice You Can Make
Choosing to stay in an abusive relationship is something you might need to do for now or forever. But when you stay, you may not find much support. Your abuser may have already cut you off from family and friends. The people who are still around want to see you free of abuse, and when they realize you aren’t leaving, they can get frustrated and pull away. That makes staying lonelier than anyone can imagine.
It helps to know this: domestic violence advocates work with people who are staying, too. You don’t need a plan to leave before you call a hotline or a local program. You can call to talk through safety, get information, or say out loud what’s happening.
Isolation takes a toll on your mental health. Depression, anxiety, and posttraumatic stress are common in people living with abuse. They also serve your abuser, because they make staying feel more necessary than it may be.
If you haven’t looked up information on depression or PTSD, now is a good time. Then talk to your doctor if you recognize yourself. If you’re diagnosed and decide to get treatment, your view of staying may shift, or it may not. Either way, treatment can help you think more clearly and protect yourself better.
I’m Staying in This Abusive Relationship, and That Is That
This page isn’t here to convince you to leave. This section of the site is for people who stay, for whatever reasons they have.
If that’s you, let’s work on keeping you as physically and mentally healthy as possible while you live with abuse. You can’t control the abuse. You can get some control over how you prepare for it and respond when it happens. The Domestic Violence Safety Plan Workbook: Stay Safer Whether You Stay or Leave was written for that. As the title says, safety planning is for people who stay, too.
Start here: Choosing to Stay in an Abusive Relationship: How to Protect Yourself While You Stay covers safety planning at home, protecting your money and records, taking care of yourself, and the warning signs that mean leaving has become urgent.
Trust your memory, then plan with it
The Log helps you trust your own memory again; the Workbook helps you plan with it. Together they’re $19, about $3 less than buying separately.
Purchase “Incident Log and Safety Plan Workbook Bundle” $19.00Need the bundle to look like something else? Get the discreet version instead →
For More Information:
Living with Abuse Is Dangerous for Your Mind, Body and Spirit
Staying in an abusive relationship is dangerous to your mind, your spirit, and your body. Abuse rarely gets better on its own, and it often gets worse. People have lived with abuse their whole lives, and I won’t pretend otherwise. I do hope you get out someday. If you change your mind, or if you don’t and you need someone to talk to, help is there either way.
US: National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org. Free, confidential, 24/7.
Outside the US: Contact your local emergency number or a domestic violence service in your country.
If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
Things to Do When You’re Staying in an Abusive Relationship
- Read true stories of abuse
- How to Protect Yourself While You Stay
- You STILL Need a Safety Plan (it isn’t only for leaving)
- Learn How to Survive Abuse – Maybe
- Learn About Detachment
- Quick Self-Care Tips for People in Abusive Relationships
- Empowered Healing from Domestic Abuse
- Hypnosis for Abuse Victims
- Why Can’t I Just Leave?
- Domestic Violence Hotlines (you can call just to talk)
- Lessons I’ve Learned from the Dark Side of Relationships
Featured image by Nathan Dumlao