During My Abusive Marriage
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Underlying Anger
I feel overwhelmed by anger more than guilt, but doesn’t guilt usually follow anger? Maybe…no, I don’t know. I don’t know why I’m so angry.
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You’re A Wife and Mom First
I cannot study when Will is here. He acts like a four-year-old, demanding my attention for, excuse me, stupid things. Watch this commercial, let me tell you a joke, where is the toilet paper, and on and on and on. Ridiculous. Eddie gives me more peace to do my work, so I’ll study during the…
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Staying In Abusive Marriage
I prayed for our marriage & believed staying in abusive marriages like mine was somehow God’s plan. I thought I was powerful enough to change my husband.
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Unburied One Baby That Represented Four
She is dead, not them. Those babies died, not my boys. Those babies are in heaven, not my boys. What now? How crazy am I? I’m not crazy. I’m mourning.
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Advice from My Guardian Angel
I meet my guardian angel, Pauline, and she has some choice words for me. Who knew angels had such strong opinions?
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I Feel Their Past Present Future
I remember spending time with Marc before Eddy came and wondering how I could ever love another child like I did my first. I thought there may be no more room. But that was a strange thing. Love doesn’t fit inside your heart – it makes your heart grow.
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Do As I Say
Abusive husbands want us to be, think, and do everything like they do so they don’t have to worry about what we’re “up to” when we’re apart. They use anger, false love, and many other kinds of manipulation to control us.
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No More Children
Worthless. Poopy. Bad. Careful. Never mind. What is it to fear? In my head or in reality? No more babies. No more pregnancies. Good and Bad. Positive and Negative. Glad and Sad at some times mostly sad. Mad but no one to blame.
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PTSD and Depression Keep Me Spiraling Downward
PTSD and depression developed during domestic abuse caused visions of my children dying or dead. Fear of life held me tight, but I didn’t understand why.
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I Will Always Be Hopeful
I know God will change me and my actions, but how do I make all this junk okay for our boys in the meantime? [Answer: I could not. I wish I’d left then, in 1998.]