During My Abusive Marriage
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Rape Secret
I have spent YEARS wondering why I was suddenly so, um, “willing” to have sex after going through such a traumatic “first time” experience. Why couldn’t some counselor just say, “You know, Kellie, you may be having sex and making yourself so miserable in an attempt to make your rape seem less important.”
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Mountains From Molehills
When my husband tells me I am making mountains out of molehills, it means HE is the one doing it. HE is the one insisting on picking things apart. UGH!
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Santa is a Bastard – Hateful Things & Hidden Memories
Well, you could say that Santa just gave me a pack of big ol’ granny panties, definitely unwanted but oh so useful. I went up into the attic to grab another journal. In it is a page torn from a notebook, on which I wrote,
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I Respect Him Less
It made me wonder why Marc would react so respectfully when his dad used harsh language, but so “teenager-ish” and disrespectfully when I did it the other night. Specifically, when I “commanded” his respect during our argument. It bugged me. A lot.
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Financial Power Transfer. Abuse at Its Best.
Ever so often my abusive husband throws a hissy fit and takes over paying the bills. I don’t care WHO pays the bills, but it is always always a big fight.
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Will I Get A Miracle?
Sam must start over as new & his wife gets to be there for him. She gets her miracle. Will I be able to watch my husband start over? Will I get to love him again?
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Hurting the Boy And Blaming Me
Then Will hit Eddie’s arm hard & said, “BOY go get in your OWN damn bed!” Eddie got up in the dark, made his way to the door quietly crying & left.
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Gnawing Hurt-My Reality Counts For Something. Right?
My reality counts for something. Right? It was agony. Maybe it was agony because I was hurting ALONE. Just like now, I alone hurt for this marriage, for my husband, for my children, and for me. He doesn’t hurt because he doesn’t believe the problem is abuse. He thinks it is me.
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What Is Real?
How do people know when they’re being authentic? How do people overcome fear? How can I be sure the verbal abuse is real? Why is it so hard to believe?