Abuse Hides in the Dark. Turn on Your Light.

Verbal Abuse Journals

Staying in Abusive Relationships

  • Not Depressed, Just Unhappy

    Not Depressed, Just Unhappy

    He tells me that I’m “spoiled and don’t even know it.” No – he’s spoiled. Everything is on HIS terms. Everything I do is working around him. All I’ve got is a half-hearted promise that one day this marriage can be “all about me.” Even then, I have to live in his hermit house. So,…

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  • Causing Drama

    Causing Drama

    Drama queen – causing drama because I’m bored? Because I’m unhappy? Because he says so?Making excitement for myself by creating conflict, living with it and then revealing it in my own time – when I can’t handle the stress alone anymore. Maybe I am a drama queen.

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  • Conversation With Depression

    Conversation With Depression

    This journal entry comes from a 6-month separation from Will as he re-trained for the Army. While selling our house in Texas, the boys and I moved to Indiana to stay with my grandmother. I was very sad most of the time we were there. I didn’t miss Will, and I didn’t know what was…

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  • Voices In My Head Can’t Agree on How I Should Behave

    Voices In My Head Can’t Agree on How I Should Behave

    How do I be my own mother and father AND be a mom and dad for Marc and Eddie? There doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day. I don’t even know what I need.

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  • Opals and Roses for 10th Anniversary – Rape 2 Nights Before

    Opals and Roses for 10th Anniversary – Rape 2 Nights Before

    Gotta love those honeymoon periods. Or maybe I gotta love how desperate my brain is to protect me from the truth. Will raped me to regain power over me so I would agree that returning to the military was a good idea.

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  • No Choice In The Matter

    No Choice In The Matter

    Will decided to return to the Army. I had no choice. I can’t help but wonder if he chose this particular time to make this drastic move to disrupt my goal to complete my bachelor’s degree. Now, years in the future, if that was his plan, I know it worked. It wasn’t until I separated…

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  • Sexual Abuse is Sometimes the Nice Way to Say Rape

    Sexual Abuse is Sometimes the Nice Way to Say Rape

    One more thing, I think Will DID know what he was doing. He was sweet right after, but said he didn’t want to feel this way again – what “way” was he talking about? He felt bad which meant he knew what he was doing.

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  • Underlying Anger

    I feel overwhelmed by anger more than guilt, but doesn’t guilt usually follow anger? Maybe…no, I don’t know. I don’t know why I’m so angry.

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  • You’re A Wife and Mom First

    You’re A Wife and Mom First

    I cannot study when Will is here. He acts like a four-year-old, demanding my attention for, excuse me, stupid things. Watch this commercial, let me tell you a joke, where is the toilet paper, and on and on and on. Ridiculous. Eddie gives me more peace to do my work, so I’ll study during the…

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  • Staying In Abusive Marriage

    Staying In Abusive Marriage

    I prayed for our marriage & believed staying in abusive marriages like mine was somehow God’s plan. I thought I was powerful enough to change my husband.

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