Effects of Abuse

He Will Hurt Me, So I Stay? Makes No Sense. This is a Mind Fuck.

On the other hand, it is painful and hard for me to remember that he would, could and has hurt me physically – but it’s happened three times now. Nothing that will create a bruise where it will show. Something that he can deny to himself, to me, to anyone. Something that he ultimately blames…
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Bat Shit Crazy is Better Than Abused

Will deployed to Iraq and I’m in our home in North Carolina with our boys. Will doesn’t call or write very often and it’s easy to pretend that I’m alone. I don’t particularly enjoy it when he does call because our conversations are all about the business of being married and the occasional sneak-attack to…
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Depression Relief, Delusions of Joy

Abuse came before Depression in my marriage, but when my Depression lifted (thanks Prozac) I entered another fantasy world.
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Goals For Me Implanted Through Brainwashing

By 1998, I didn’t even know what I wanted for me anymore. His goals for me became my goals for myself, inserted neat and clean in my mind with brainwashing.
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We Forgot to Scream

As I flipped through old journals to create Verbal Abuse Journals, I found a forgotten memory – an instance of physical abuse. How do you forget that?
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We Had a Bad Day

First a Note Note from 2012: One of my greatest fears is that my behavior negatively affects my boys. Looking back on this journal entry makes that fear real. I know they’ve felt pain due to my yelling. I don’t always separate my frustrations with my relationship and myself from my frustrations with my children.…
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I’m Always Saying Something Stupid

I’d say I was lonely or tired or sad and he would get angry and tell me “You have it so fucking good! You don’t have a damn thing to complain about!”
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Hate-Hate Relationship

I tried to learn how to NOT respond to Will’s verbal abuse and nasty behavior, but sitting there and taking it was a response. He liked it, I think.
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Moody Depressed Alone

I’ve been so depressed & moody lately – I’ve been terrible. I either am so deeply in love that I can’t see, or else he is irritating the shit out of me.
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Pregnant & Worried About Money

I’m very concerned about investing the little money we have into bonds or CD’s or something. Will is holding out to buy CD’s, but we need $1000 just to start one of those! Why not invest in SOME way while we can? Oh well. I guess I should let him handle that for now. If…
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