Once he told me that he missed talking and dreaming together after sex. He missed the pillow talk. I wonder if he still misses it.
I’m not certain that I remember sweetness after love-making. I wonder if he’s thinking about someone else.
In a way, if he is remembering me, he is remembering someone else. Someone who felt cherished and nurtured. Someone who felt safe. Someone I was almost 20 years ago.
I want to be me with him again.
I wonder if I am remembering who was or who I wanted to be.
How true are your memories? Do you know for sure? Please share what you think kept you with your abuser in the comments below.
This entry is one day out of the journal I kept while I was still in the marriage. The whole thing, in order, is the book: My Abusive Marriage . . . and what i’m doing in it. Or read the first pages if you want to see whether it’s for you.