Flat-Lining in Domestic Abuse Recovery

Stephen Covey says to “live out of your imagination, not your history.” Depression, suicidal thoughts, hate, despair and hopelessness result when I live out of the mindset of my past. It’s as if he is abusing me all over again.

Can You Be Financially Abused If You Have Access to Money?

You can be financially abused even if you earn your own money or have access to family funds. Financial abuse is more than you may think.

Domestic Violence Is A Bigger Problem Than We Realized

Domestic violence is a bigger problem than we realized because it affects not only the abused person but that person’s entire system (family, friends, colleagues, children, economy, etc.). We cannot afford to consider domestic violence as a family affair like in the past. The web of domestic violence spreads far and wide, infecting every individual in the United States. Domestic violence affects you whether you realize it or not.

I Left My Abusive Marriage: Why Am I Still In A Mental Fog?

I left my abusive marriage just like Susan, the author of the story below. Focusing on this part of her story is important because although staying in an abusive relationship isn’t easy, living after leaving one isn’t easy either. It’s wonderful to think that after leaving abuse life will go straight back to normal. But it […]

June 15-21: Social Media Stories On Domestic Violence

I tweet and post on Facebook hoping to give you all valuable information that you can use. The stories tell of domestic violence in the news, leaving and staying in domestic violence, safety planning and ways to get help, books about domestic violence, books to take your mind off domestic violence and health issues of concern […]

Escaping Abuse Is The Best Thing To Do BUT It’s Not Easy

Escaping abuse means turning your life upside down, but the trouble of escaping abuse is well worth it if you know what to expect when you go. Read my new post at HealthyPlace.com titled Escaping Abuse: 5 Things Your Therapist Won’t Tell You

Domestic Violence Response Strategy Saves Lives-Take a Quiz

Fatalities from domestic violence cases in Maryland are down 30% thanks to a simple 16 question checklist and a call to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at the time of the 911 call response. After the officer gives the quiz, she or he calls a number that allows the victim to talk to the National […]

Was I Abused When He Grabbed My Face?

Domestic abuse victims ask, ‘Was I abused?’ because they truly don’t know, even if the answer is obvious to outsiders. Find out how fear alters an abuse victim’s perspective, and makes ‘Was I abused?’ confusing to answer.

Hindsight Can’t Help Me But Could Help You Understand Abuse

Hindsight shows me my mistakes in thinking. It shows me how my love for him blinded me. Maybe if you can see my hindsight before it happens to you, you’ll get OUT. I now understand that no choice he presented to me would end the abuse. I left the Army-abuse continued. Got pregnant-abuse continued. Doing as told=abuse.

My Abusive Marriage Recap

While reorganizing this website, I came across some pages that don’t fit the site any longer. But I didn’t want to get rid of their brief synopses of the abuse suffered through the years. So I thought I’d add them to a brand new page and see if brevity works as well as deep explanation for […]

Abuse Is Never Love But I Wanted It to Be

What I didn’t understand at the time was that if Will wanted to lash out at me, it did not matter what I said or did or how I said or did it. The purpose of yelling at me, accusing me of lying, telling me I was a horrid mother, insisting I was cheating and all the rest was to keep me off balance. To keep me confused. To keep me explaining myself to him so he did not have to explain himself to me.

PTSD Is Not An Excuse to Hurt Your Family

I’ve never been to war. I’ve never been raped at knife-point or fought for my life from strangers. But I did live with an unpredictable, angry and abusive man for over 17 years. And that is way more than enough time to develop hyper-anxiety, difficulty concentrating, experiencing overwhelming guilt or shame, and any other PTSD symptom.

The Day It Started

Red Door Productions introduces #TheDayItStarted as a prompt for abuse victims to tell about their earliest memory of domestic abuse.

Triggered And Angry – Healing from Domestic Abuse

Anyone experiencing repeated traumas as with domestic abuse can be triggered unexpectedly. Even so, identifying triggers leads us to better mental health because once we identify the triggers, we can stop them from hurting us.

Nothing on My Mind – Memories of Abuse

I’m doing it again. I’m losing my mind in match-3 computer games that let me ignore unpleasant thoughts. I tried believing that playing those games relaxes my brain and that matching colored balls on Bubble Witch qualifies as a healthy, mindful activity. In reality, the games help me keep nothing on my mind. In thinking’s absence,  I can avoid asking questions […]

Vulnerability

I feel that anyone could lethally wound me with a glance. I feel exposed to many elements of my mind; exposed and in danger, not exposed and protected. My fiance, Jarimie, wants to protect me when I feel vulnerable. But how can he protect me from myself? From my thoughts and fears? He cannot do […]

Today Is Better Than Dreadful Thanks to Intuition

Fortunately, today is a better day thanks to the helpful people I found while following my intuition. I know, beyond a doubt, that I am capable of surviving without a car, without a home, without a job and without a shower. The intuition I used to build the support network I needed to leave my ex-husband proved its flexibility to get me off the street and into an apartment. Into a job. I survived.

The Homeless Chapter

I don’t know much. At least I know I don’t know much. Life takes twists and turns that seemed impossible only days before. Now, more than any other time in my life, I am uncertain what tomorrow brings. Over the past year and a half I’ve lived with my sister, my grandmother, my fiance and […]

Non-Violent, Mature Relationships From the Heart!

Julie is a trained domestic violence victims advocate and facilitator of a Batterer’s Intervention Program in California. She joins verbalabusejournals.com to help victims and survivors to heal from domestic violence help survivors understand why their abuser abuses, and to help abusers stop their abusive behaviors. Non-violent, mature relationships include qualities of cohesiveness, acceptance and joy with […]

Abuse Survivor Fights PTSD and Depression And Wins

Today is rough. I looked back on my life to see how my mental illnesses affect my relationships with others (Is PTSD from Domestic Abuse Causing Your Distress?). This is hard to do because I didn’t ask for these mental illnesses; I wasn’t born with PTSD or depression! I never asked for the car accident with my […]

Why Does Gender Bias Exist When Talking About Domestic Abuse?

Gender bias in articles about domestic violence and abuse is common. What has to happen to get rid of gender bias in domestic violence and abuse conversations? See this.

After Leaving Abuse: Dealing with Fear for Your Safety

Previous Post – Leaving Abuse: Before You Leave Emotions To Deal With After Leaving Your Abuser Immediately after leaving your abusive relationship, you tend to feel some conflicting emotions in no certain order: joy, pride, fear, and great sadness. I remember feeling them all at once sometimes in the days and weeks after separating from […]

Leaving Abuse: Ways to Feel Better Before You Go

I left my abusive husband 4 years and a month ago, but I clearly remember those first few months of freedom. It sure didn’t feel like freedom as depression and anxiety tore through me like tornadoes, first one direction and then another. My emotions seemed to control whether I could take a breath or not. […]

It’s Hard To Believe Someone Could Be So Cruel – Abuser Behaviors

Amanda commented on Things Abusers Say and Do:  I see a lot of my current partner’s abusive behavior on this page. What keeps me from leaving, or from even fully acknowledging the problem, is that I can’t actually imagine someone being so consciously manipulative and cruel. It is difficult for me to believe that such […]

Denial or Survival Mode?

Lisa Hayes makes an important point in her article about domestic violence and its victims. Are we in denial or survivor mode?

More Men Needed In the Fight Against Domestic Violence

I feel my fitness success is a crucial part of my survivor story because many kids who deal with either domestic violence or child abuse are told that they can eventually live a “normal life” someday. I say bullshit because they can go on and do whatever they want and catch any dream they chase. To overcome their abuse issues takes a special kind of inner strength and they can use that strength to turn their goals into achievements.

Women Hit More Than Men But Men Do More Damage

We’ve taught our young men about domestic violence, but got the message to our girls that only guys can be held accountable for it. It’s time we taught our daughters to keep their hands and feet to themselves, too.

Face Forward Restores Faces Maimed by Domestic Violence

“Face Forward works with community leaders around the nation to identify victims of violence who are legitimately working toward recovery and who carry the physical evidence of past abuse,” namely, the kind of abuse you see in the mirror, every day, that reminds you of your abusive past.

North Carolina Survivors of Domestic Abuse: The Healthy Marriage Act

Survivor’s voices must be heard in Senator Allran’s Dialogue North Carolina legislators want to pass the Healthy Marriage Act to require two years of counseling for couples who wish to divorce before granting the divorce. The amount of counseling time increases if there are children involved. Senator Allran, primary sponsor of the bill, says he’s unsure how […]

Helping Men Find Peace and Healing After Domestic Violence

As I started recording the physical and verbal assaults on me, I also chronicled the historic attacks that I could remember. When I read these back I was horrified and would have been totally shocked if I was reading someone else’s story. And yet, it was my story.

Stress of Untangling YOU from THEM Can Make You Want Abuser Back

After I left Will, my husband, my desire to return to him surprised me. I thought I was above wanting him back. I felt like such a loser! I didn’t expect to ever give my abuser a letter describing what I was willing to do to take him back, but I did. (You can read it […]

The Unhealthy Silence of Abuse

The silence of abuse destroyed my ability to end the abuse in my marriage. I maintained my silence for many reasons, all of which made sense to me at the time. From a feeling of loyalty to feelings of fear, reaching out for help became harder and harder to imagine. I didn’t open myself to […]

What Do You Pray For?

Long ago, in the trenches of my abusive marriage, I prayed for strength and courage. God delivered – She gave me experiences that required strength and courage so I could hone those skills! That wasn’t exactly what I meant… Even so, I do consider myself a strong and courageous person today. I figure that if I can […]

PTSD Diagnosis Is Common for Abuse Survivors…Why Do I Feel Ashamed?

HealthyPlace.com launched the Stand Up For Mental Health Campaign a couple of weeks ago, just as I received a second mental health diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I’ve long wondered if my symptoms added up to PTSD, but knowing that a psychiatrist believes I have PTSD affected me. Negatively. Being diagnosed with PTSD affected […]

Inspirational Blogs

Caroline Abbott, domestic violence survivor and tireless trooper for God and Godly marriages, writes this on her blog: You are God’s precious daughter, made in his image. He sent His only Son to die for you. No one has the right to abuse you. God never calls women to submit to abuse. He wants to […]

What’s Your Life Looking Like These Days?

Do you ever feel like you’re pointlessly mucking about in life? I’m sure abuse victims and survivors are not the only ones who feel like that! Going through some old files, I found a workbook from Bluelady Muse and updated it for use in my mentoring practice. It is a “life snapshot” that helps you […]

How Can I Stop Abusing My Wife?

A husband asks how he can stop abusing his wife: I am a verbal abuser and have a chance to save my marriage. I am suffering too! HELP! Josh Josh, you’re lucky that you have the chance to save your marriage. Your wife, like many other abuse victims, sees the good in you, but cannot […]

Abuse And The Quest For Perfection

“Perfection” bedevils many of us, myself included. Perhaps you suffer from it yourself. I could blame my experience with abuse for it because, as you well know, abusers expect perfection from us victims. Not our idea of perfection, but their idea of the perfect wife, husband, child or friend. Alas, I cannot blame the abuse. […]

New Year’s Resolutions to End Abusive Relationships, Pt. 1

Happy New Year! Let’s welcome 2013 with fireworks of a different kind. Consider those electric fireworks (impulses) in your brain, firing away on their habitual path. Continuing into the new year with your old habits won’t change a darn thing. To make real change, you’ve got to forge a new brain path for those electric […]

Life With An Abuser vs Life Free to Choose

I left my life with an abuser almost three years ago, and the real roller coaster ride revealed itself. On the uphill climbs, I feel simultaneously excited and worried about reaching the top. Sitting on the peak, before the thrilling plummet, I feel on top of my game, as if nothing can break me. The ride […]

Verbal Abuse Is The Driving Force in Abusive Relationships

Domestic abuse involves more than sexual and physical violence. It includes mental and emotional abuse at least and, whether obscure or obvious, verbal abuse in relationships is the core method of control for abusers. Verbal abuse is more than name calling, more than yelling. Verbal abuse is insidious and tricky, but very real. What is Verbal Abuse? Fortunately, […]

My Helpful Friend Is Really A Control Freak!

I have a friend who is as controlling as my ex, but in a different way. She comes to my new place calls my kid’s toys & clothing junk. She makes judgement calls on my other friends insisting that they are holding me back, but she is the one who won’t let me move forward! I feel […]

Honor Your Fear and Act

If you are afraid, there is a reason.  Explore it before you’re in imminent danger.  Even if your abuser has never laid a hand on you, if your intuition tells you something is going to happen, trust yourself. I’ve found two books that said that the best indicator of future domestic violence is the victim’s […]

Your Way To Get Out of an Abusive Relationship

I’m struck by how similar our stories about abuse really are. We all immediately recognize facets of our own horrible relationship in someone else’s telling of theirs. But the answers to “How do I get out of an abusive relationship?” doesn’t seem to have as many commonalities except for the underlying feeling of… “…When [that event] happened, I […]

Blogs About Abuse In Real Time

Here are some blogs about abuse written by women experiencing abuse in their relationships right now: He’s Got Issues – Yes he does. This blogger documents her struggles in an abusive relationship. He says, “Oh I kinda wish i was single, cause it would be cheaper and I would have more time alone.. but I […]

Domestic Violence Shelters Collaborative Pinterest Board

As the pin says… PLEASE HELP! Here’s an idea for an AWESOME pinterest board! It links to all the domestic violence shelters around the world! But guess what? It’s too much for me to do alone! So, if you happen to find a domestic violence shelter and you’re not yet a pinner to this board: […]

Mothers Separated From Children: One Way to Connect If The Abuser Wins Custody

I cannot imagine how mothers separated from their children must feel. Total separation from my children would probably result in a period of complete devastation. How long would it take to come out of that? How long would it be until I would decide to continue living with only hope that one day soon, I would hold […]

Shapeshifting – Newsletter Sneak Peek

Sneak Peek…Shhhh! Don’t tell! Jodi Aman let me interview her about narrative therapy. This form of therapy helps us to rewrite the stories we tell ourselves and assign different meanings to our personal history. As you can imagine, this is especially helpful for former and present targets of abuse because we’re so hard on ourselves. Here […]

Fitness Helps Conquer Abuse – Short & Sweet Fitness eBook for Free!

we all know the benefits of exercise. It strengthens the heart and reduces cholesterol (two side effects of abuse) plus releases serotonin and other endorphins that help us feel better mentally and emotionally. It helps us to tone up and/or lose weight which boosts our self-esteem. And we know what a beating our self-esteem takes when forced to deal with someone else’s abusive behavior!

Is PTSD from Domestic Abuse Causing Your Distress?

Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) from domestic abuse affects a great number of abused and previously abused women. Women, in general, develop PTSD more often than men in part because … women are more likely to experience trauma within established relationships or their traumatic exposures are more chronic than those experienced by men (e.g. ongoing interpersonal violence within a […]

Abuse Affects the Wise

Does it help to know that abuse issues don’t only affect abuse survivors? Wise people the world over seem to share our doubts, inhibitions, questions and desires to “make sure it’s going to work before doing anything” feelings. It takes a lot of momentum to propel a wise person into action. Think of Buddah…did you […]

First Steps For Domestic Abuse Victims – Domestic Violence Help

Domestic violence help often includes the question, “So, when are you leaving?” I don’t know about you, but the pressure of “leaving” almost made me give up and pretend my husband didn’t abuse me. At first, you may have no clue how you could possibly leave. It’s okay. You don’t have to walk out the […]

Letters About Abuse

In the months after leaving my abusive husband, there was so much I wanted to explain to my boys! My oldest son’s anger was heavy and dense. I could reach out and touch my youngest son’s broken heart on his sleeve. I wanted so badly to explain my side of things…but I couldn’t.

Domestic Abuse PSA

Monakey Pictures just released a new domestic abuse PSA. This powerful short film features a poem written by the sister of a domestic abuse victim. The message is powerful. Tosh Kiiji (find him on facebook here) will add more PSAs like this one as the funds roll in. On the youtube page, there is a […]

Are You A Great Candidate for Brainwashing?

Brainwashing and Abuse in Relationships Brainwashing occurs in long-term abusive relationships, but begins in the very beginning. I once pictured a brainwash-able person as a prisoner of war. Much later, I understood that brainwashing easily affects people just like me. I doubt my husband brainwashed me on purpose. He did not have the military’s training […]

Domestic Violence Against Men Isn’t Funny

As a young male I find it quite troubling to watch examples of violence against men in popular culture depicted as humorous. In many sitcoms and movies, scenes are regularly shown where a man is threatened or intimidated with violence by a girl’s father. Other situations displaying women slapping their boyfriends or husbands are also routinely illustrated, and don’t get me started about all the Lorena Bobbit jokes I hear.

Anxiety From Domestic Abuse Is Tough To Deal With!

Anxiety is a big deal for abuse victims, past and present. Sometimes I still find my heart racing at sounds that remind me of my “old life” in my abusive marriage. Fortunately, now I recognize my anxiety instead of not feeling it. Anxiety was such a huge part of my life when I lived with […]

What Does “Recovery From Abuse” Mean To You?

Some people think “recovery from abuse” means you’re able to hold quality relationships with family, friends and a new partner. Others consider recovery to mean they’ve reclaimed themselves, feel strong, and have their life back. Is the process of recovering from child abuse different from recovering from domestic abuse? Do you think recovery has an […]

Ending an Abusive Relationship

Ending an abusive relationship begins by telling someone what you are going through. If you continue to suffer in silence, you will continue to torture yourself with thoughts like Did I hear that right? Am I crazy? Why does he treat me that way? She is crazy! But everyone thinks she’s the normal one… The […]

Self-Care Activities for Domestic Abuse Survivors to Help You Feel Better Fast

Do your abuser’s words still haunt you? When his voice continues ringing loudly in your mind, it’s difficult to stay free of your abusive relationship! The key is to replace that voice with your own…but sometimes, due to your severe abuse, your own voice is just as tough on you as your abusers. So, the trick is […]

You Hate Men! Well, That Was A Diversion Tactic

Telling me that my rape is the source of our problems is a diversion. It turns me away from whatever Will is doing and causes me to examine myself. By blaming my past for our current problems is also wrong. Will blames me for our problems without taking any responsibility for his behavior.

Trophy Wife – Side Effects of Abuse

The image you see here shows my state of mind soon after our wedding. The colors show brightly enough, the flowers are rather pretty. But the women undergo sad transitions. The signs of abuse are here, hidden by brightly colored flowers. The pregnant woman on the top mirrors the vase – an object. The woman […]

My Relationship Is Falling Apart

Our capacity to make peace with another person and with the world, depends very much on our capacity to make peace with ourselves. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh Healing for your relationships begins with healing the relationship with yourself. Can’t forgive? Can’t let go? Look inside – before you can manage a healthy relationship with someone […]

Abuse Art Gallery

This is kind of an image blog about verbal abuse. Sometimes I don’t have it in me to write, but making a picture helps me to release some of the crap so I have room to bring in the good stuff. Art keeps me sane. Mine My ultimate fear is for my spiritual blood to become my actual blood. […]

Overcome Anxiety and Fear: Exorcise The Demon Meditation

For example, when I admitted to myself that the demon in my marriage was ABUSE, the abuse held less power over me. The demon flared up in a fiery attempt to terrify me, yet, after its temper tantrum, I stood strong and continued to call it by name. Will thinks I demonized him, but I think I demonized his behavior.

Shutting Up

Last year, I tapered off from this blog because I was afraid of what would come of it in court. Nothing came of it in court. This blog was either irrelevant or the battle didn’t get nasty enough for his attorney to use it. Or maybe there was nothing to be said about it. Will’s […]

I Appreciate You

Lately I’ve been thinking about you, the readers of this blog. You readers are my core; without you, I probably wouldn’t have had the courage to continue the leaving process after it begun. Without you, I think I may have resigned myself to more years of abuse – maybe I would have stayed until I […]

Pride Revisited

Last year, I wrote a story called Pride and Greed about how those two sins work together to create an abusive relationship. But now that I think about it, the story is not quite right. I mean, the story helped me to understand how Will and I “happened”, but it’s off somehow. The story is […]

Promise Me A Rose Garden

A few months after I’d left Will, I had worked through the grief stage and moved into such a euphoric state that I thought it would never end. I thought to myself, “So this is what I’ve been missing all these years!” and with a smile and artsy flourish of my wrist, I chucked my […]

Steve’s Story of Abuse

The responsibility for abusing falls directly on the shoulders of the perpetrator, not the victim. Yet so many victims (me too!) want to somehow make the abuse “our fault”. I think that I wanted to accept responsibility for the abuse because if I caused it, then I could end it. Sadly, accepting responsibility for problems […]

Depression After Leaving Abusive Relationship: Spiraling

Depression today has the same purpose as it had during my abusive relationship: to dull the good, feel the bad, and then try to fix me. But I’m not broken. My brain chemistry is broken. Domestic violence and abuse broke my brain.

Dream World of Abuse in Relationships

I wrote this some time ago, before leaving my abuser: Poe wrote, “All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.” Perhaps his statement sheds light on why abuse is so difficult to describe, so difficult to recognize, end, and admit. Living in abuse, I know that nothing is real. Every […]

The Bravery Project

I am fortunate today because I was able to speak with Vickie Florschuetz, Founder/Artist/Executive Director of The Bravery Project. She is an artist and impassioned about bringing abuse survivor’s stories to the forefront of consciousness. We know that domestic violence exists in multiple forms, but when do we really hear about people who have gotten […]

Anniversary Anxiety Related to Domestic Violence

February 1st last year was on Monday. Will and I had gone to court the Thursday before, and I had told the judge I agreed that he could see the boys. That first weekend, he wouldn’t take them because he hadn’t received his paperwork and was afraid that I would call the law on him […]

The Moonlight Dance

The subconscious dance I participated in with my ex steals my thoughts today. I want to look deep inside the belly of the beast inside myself and paint a true portrait of my abusive marriage with my own blood. I don’t want his blood – I cannot pretend to know what he was doing or […]

Share What You Know About Domestic Violence and Abuse

The interview I did with Gary Copeland as host is posted at Healthy Place Mental Health Radio Show and titled My Verbally Abusive Marriage. I’m not certain what to think about the interview. I was nervous for some reason, and think that I didn’t answer some of the questions succinctly. While thinking about my answers, […]

Leaving An Abusive Marriage – Why did it take me so long?

HealthyPlace.com interviewed me about leaving an abusive marriage yesterday. It is now almost a year after I left my abuser, but before our divorce is final. I have some issues with the interview, and I’m not certain I delivered my message as clearly as I wanted. I want to use this post to clear up a few reasons why leaving an abusive marriage is so difficult.

Guess What? Interview about abuse on HealthyPlace.com

I’m going to be interviewed on Healthy Place Radio on Wednesday, January 5th at 8pm CST, 9pm EST! The interview will be about my experience with abuse. I am looking forward to it very much, and I hope you will tune in. If you can’t make it for the live show, Ms. Holly Gray plans […]

Last Year

At the end of last year, before the separation, I wrote this: Words that once had meaning make no sense. My brain is screaming, “LOSER!” while a piece of me patiently waits for a better time. Do I need to DO something to bring it about? ‘Cause all I want to do now is sleep […]

I Wish He Could Move Past the Past

This post is an excerpt from My Abusive Marriage: …and what happened when i left it by Kellie Jo Holly. Life goes on; some days are wonderful, some surprising, some plain sad. Sometimes I wish for the happy ending to my marriage that I’ll never have – “happy” in that we would die of old […]

Trusting Myself Works

Recently, my friend’s daughter has launched a seek and destroy campaign against him. She’s pulled up facts (and rumors) from his past and attempted to make people believe they’re current activities (i.e. heroin addiction! among other crap).  She’s another self-absorbed controller unleashing her special brand of evil into the world. Of course, this friend of […]

Leaving But Not Yet Free

He and I have children together. I am connected to him for the rest of my life, through them. Although our vows to love, honor and cherish fell by the wayside, “for better or worse, ’til death do we part” holds strong. Some promises can’t be taken back. I wish I could say I was all right with […]

My Real World is Different From What He Described

When I left my husband, I had no idea of the purity of life that would engulf me in these following months. I met people who said what they meant. I met people who could be upset without letting their tempers spill over into conversation with me, toward me. I met people who don’t have […]

Verbal Abuse PSA

Corinthians 13:4-8 New International Version (NIV) Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It […]

Leaving Hip-Hop Sounds A Lot Like Leaving Abuse

Yes, this is Eminem’s song “25 to Life” and Marc tells me it’s about Eminem leaving Hip-Hop, which it very well may be. But it’s about something else, too. In case you don’t like Eminem, I copied the lyrics below the song so you don’t have to listen to it. I don’t think she understands […]

In Isolation

During my marriage, I lived in isolation. I knew people outside of my home and sometimes shared specific experiences concerning my ex-husband with them. But somehow, I managed to keep most of the pain and embarrassment concerning my family’s truths buried deep inside. So deeply were they buried that I was able to keep them […]

Hold And Release – Detaching From Abuser

Book Excerpt There must be something in the air. My mood is so serious, like a rain-filled cloud threatening to rain on my parade. Although I feel in my gut that I’m moving in the right direction, I’m getting stronger, finding out who I am and what I like (and don’t), … there’s something heavily […]

Triggered by Carolyn’s Abuse Testimonial

Carolyn wrote an abuse testimonial a couple of months ago. I hadn’t posted it yet because I didn’t really want to think about my own abuse. That wasn’t fair, and I’m sorry Carolyn, that you waited so long. As you read through it, think about the years Carolyn has lived with this verbal, emotional and mental […]

I’m Not That Person…Yet

The past month whirled around me, through me, like a red wine hurricane. I feel alive and strong, but spinning uncontrollably in my heart are questions and wishes that I’m not ready to answer or fulfill. I feel like I’m in danger of losing my vision because time isn’t pacing itself with my desires – […]

Searching

[some text removed…] Part of me knows that this search for the perfect exterior place [to live] is a pipe dream. I don’t really believe I’ll find that place until I know myself through and through and am strong enough to not compromise what I want for myself for what someone else wants for me, […]

Life’s Luxuries are New to Me

For the first time in a very long time, I’m dealing with a variety of emotions, bad and good (if I have to judge an emotion as bad or good…). In the last year(s?) of my marriage, I dealt with anger, betrayal, fear, bitterness, probably even hate. But now there is a world of emotion […]

Some Guy Off the Street

As you may have gathered from my last post, I am entertaining the thought of having some wonderful sex in the future. While that is true, I can’t seem to think about sex without also thinking about a “RELATIONSHIP”. Well, that isn’t entirely true. I very well can imagine the sex without a relationship, but […]

Gotta Raise

A few days ago, my boss gave me a tape measure with my name written on it in permanent marker. I was so darn happy to see that thing – such a simple thing, yet it caused me so much joy! My name in permanent marker on a tape measure. Go figure. So anyway, today […]

Secrets

When I started this blog, I was an open book. I told it ALL, and it felt wonderful to unload. Will desperately wanted me to shut up, to forget about it, to stop telling “lies”. I knew I couldn’t stop telling my truth. Spilling those secrets was the best thing I ever did for myself because […]

My New Job is to Overcome Pain

[text removed…] Will and I get along when there are witnesses, but not so much when there are none. That’s okay. I can deal. Especially now that I have my own home to go to at the end of the day. I think if I ever have the opportunity to advise someone in a similar […]

Most Abused Women Describe Abuser as Dependable

An article in Time reports that “women who said they were abused, 54% characterized their partners as very reliable, and 21% said that their partners had many positive characteristics.” There is so much to learn about abusive relationships. I’m not surprised by the findings. For some reason, I want to believe Will is reliable, when […]

This is me, That is him: Separated from Abuse

[text removed…] I am not naive enough to think this will be easy. It would be nice if some great hand would reach down from the sky to snatch a long lost relative who left me (and my sister, mother, and grandmas) millions. But as much fun as it is to consider that inane possibility, […]

Write Something Good

Tonight, a conversation occurred that I knew would come but hoped would not. Will was angry after reading the past few days’ blog entries. He feels that he is doing everything he can to provide for me, and yet I continue to drag his name through the mud. He says that he believes that I […]

No Wishbones for Me

A facebook friend posted this quote: “Never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.” Good advice. But I think my wishbone is coming back. Or maybe it just never left. I think I am foolish for wishing what I wish. My wish is the same as the day I started this blog: […]

The Boys & The Abuser as Primary Custodian

I am SO HAPPY to have my boys with me right now. Will is “primary” parent right now, but he allowed me to bring the boys home with me last night and they will stay with me through Sunday. Will swears we’ll do the same cycle over again until we get back into court on […]

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