Category: During My Abusive Marriage
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Stop Saying ‘It Makes Me Sick’
My sister tells me to stop saying “It makes me sick” because she’s afraid “it” (the abuse) really will make me sick. Once upon a time, “It makes me sick” was a kind of heart-sickness, an expression. Now I really am sick. The first time I realized that I really felt physically sick because of…
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Expectations
Like many of our “good” conversations, my husband and I talked for over three hours last night. I went to bed at 3:30am, tired of course, but also daring to hope that MAYBE we opened discussion on a basic problem in our marriage. Expectations cause us a LOT of damage – a lot of hurt…
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Tornapart
I have no warning, I huddle in the dark as the tornado howls and screams, praying that the storm will silence itself. It seems unending. And when it leaves and the sun returns, I look at the faces of my children. The ones I huddled with in the blackness, pressing myself between them and the…
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Work to Undo
I’ve got two boys that are going to be their own men in a few short years. I have a lot of work to undo. And hey – if you have a second, send a prayer or some positive thoughts to whomever or wherever you send them, for me and my family, please. I am…
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Some Things Differ
Hmph. I guess I am the one who must stop living my life the way I want to live it. He’s the more important one. His opinion is the one that counts. The sooner I get that through my thick head, the happier he will let me be.
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Accepting Kittens for Who They Are Is Easy (Not So Much for Husbands)
One major difference between kittens and husbands is that I don’t expect kittens to change for me. I don’t seem to need evidence that a kitten “loves me.” Why do I expect my husband to prove he loves me by changing? Why do I need anyone to prove their love to me, for that matter?
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Wish in One Hand…What Goes in the Other?
I must stop wishing him to “feel the way I feel” because in order for him to feel like me, I have to act like him. I don’t care if he feels like me or not. I feel like me, and that is becoming enough.
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Resisting Persuasion
WHAT? I asked myself why “resisting persuasion” and “verbal abuse tactics” were one and the same. The only logical explanation that I can currently come up with is that he uses these tactics because he feels that I am trying to persuade HIM into thinking or doing something that he doesn’t want to do.
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Can't We Talk?
I don’t want him out of my reality, but if co-existing in a mutual reality means that I have to hide myself and rely on hoping that he’ll be nice to me, then any mutual reality between myself and my husband is going to end.
