A really wonderful thing that happened on Tuesday is resulting in some unexpected anxiety. First, the good news.
I sent an email to the author of “The Crazy-Making Husband” blog asking if she would link to this blog because they’re similar. In response, she asked if she could do an article or blog on my work/this site instead. She thinks my blog would get more attention that way. Of course I told her yes! She must see something worthwhile here to offer to write about it; I’m honored.
So, anyway, my head soon came out of the clouds because I realized that if she wanted to do the article in a week or so, then I wanted to have my new pages up and running and the old pages redirected to welcome some possible new site visitors. I’ve been working on this for some time now, chronologically, and was up to the year 2007. Now that I have a goal date for completion, I’ve been working like mad to get it done.
But that isn’t the bad stuff. (I really DO love to work on my site!).
Unfortunately, the end of 2008 and most of 2009 includes a LOT of very stressful, anxiety-causing events. I mean, journal entries from 2002 may make me sad in hindsight, but ’08 and ’09 are very fresh in my mind. Reworking the pages has stirred up feelings that I’ve tried to put behind me as I choose to become mentally and emotionally stronger and healthier in my husband’s absence (he’s deployed with the Army).
It’s strange how time can magically make fear less relevant and anguish more palatable.
It’s strange how the past 3 months of not dealing with the silent treatment, explosive anger, snide comments, etc. can make it all seem like it happened so long ago that it shouldn’t matter anymore.
I think this recurrence of anxiety is what you call posttraumatic stress. It sucks. I almost took two of the Effexor I’m weaning myself from just to keep my heart from racing.
Well, I’m going back to work. I’m focusing on the good, dealing with the bad, and moving forward.