Staying in Abusive Relationships
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Am I Abused? (A Quiz)
Victims in abusive relationships wake up every morning wondering if the abuser will be nice that day. The abuser does not have bad days. Abuser’s have consistent bad behaviors. This Am I Abused Quiz can help you tell the difference between abuse and the occasional bad day.
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You Can’t Make Your Abuser Abuse You
You can’t make your abuser abuse you. The responsibility for abusing falls directly on the shoulders of the perpetrator, not the victim. Yet so many victims (me too!) want to somehow make the abuse “our fault”. I think that I wanted to accept responsibility for the abuse because if I caused it, then I could…
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Verbal Abuse PSA
These verbal abuse PSAs (public service announcements) shows the damage verbal abuse can do to a person and what verbal abuse sounds like. Corinthians 13:4-8 New International Version (NIV) Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not…
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I Lived a Fairy Tale During Domestic Abuse
Once upon a time, I lived in a world of disapproval and fear. I listened to a man who demanded I make him happy, then grew angrier when I could not. I thought something was wrong with me, so I sought to change who I was to become more pleasing to that man. But as I changed…
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Detached from Abuse: This Is Me, That Is Him
I am not naive enough to think this will be easy. It would be nice if some great hand would reach down from the sky to snatch a long-lost relative who left me (and my sister, mother, and grandmas) millions. But as much fun as it is to consider that inane possibility, I do not…
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Why Did I Stay in An Abusive Relationship?
Why did I stay in an abusive relationship for so long? For many reasons that seemed quite rational until after I left the abusive marriage. Here they are.
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Resisting Temptation & Codependency
I just stopped myself from doing something manipulative after seeing a youtube interview with Patricia Evans, author of The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?: A Woman’s Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go. For almost a year and a half now, I’ve tried to prove to my husband that he is, in fact,…
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The Desire to ‘Fix and Please’ Is Codependency
Quietone said that she remembers me saying my desire to “fix and please” plays a factor in the abuse. She is right. If I took down this site, it would be to please Will; the more I think about it, the more I realize that removing my blog is another way to erase me. No…
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Seek and Ye Shall Find
Will and I were unhappily married and I once mistakenly blamed him for every one of our missteps and evils. Although I thought I was trying to make him happy, I was really trying to make him happy so he could make me happy. When I failed, I wanted to run far and fast. I…
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Codependency Makes Me Want to Fix Things for Them
My therapist presented an alternative solution, one that actually makes sense and would have cut out all the drama. She said that Marc’s feelings of guilt were HIS to deal with. It sounded harsh to me at first…didn’t I CAUSE Marc’s bad feelings? Wasn’t I responsible for this whole mess anyway? Shouldn’t I do everything…