Abuse Hides in the Dark. Turn on Your Light.

Staying in Abusive Relationships


  • Observing, Not Participating In, My Abuse

    Observing, Not Participating In, My Abuse

    Therefore, I am finding that I am an emotional chameleon. I must learn to turn off my emotions and the thought train they trigger when I recognize abuse to protect myself and begin “observation mode”. This is not going to work for the long haul. I do not want to live my life connecting and…

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  • Public Sector Counseling at DSS

    Public Sector Counseling at DSS

    She has been wonderful! I’ve been to her three times, and each time she was able to point out a valuable issue for me to examine. Issues that are MINE, not his. She’s teaching me to think about myself, what I want, what I see for myself in the future. The last meeting, she asked…

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  • Set Personal Boundaries

    Set Personal Boundaries

    I Didn’t Understand Personal Boundaries No one ever pointed out to me that we each have personal boundaries. I knew when I didn’t like someone standing too close to me, but the idea that individuals can and do set emotional boundaries confounded me. I do set boundaries with friends, strangers, family members…I mean, I don’t…

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  • Forced Counseling for the Abuser

    Forced Counseling for the Abuser

    I’m not saying you and I have no faults, but when it comes to abuse, we victims have NO RESPONSIBILITY for the abuse or the abuser’s actions and words. In my opinion, if my husband cannot (or will not) stop the abuse, then me trying to be a “better wife” is pointless.

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  • Named the Type of Verbal Abuse He Used Out Loud

    Named the Type of Verbal Abuse He Used Out Loud

    If you find that naming the type of abuse out loud escalates the abuse, then please be smarter than me. For goodness sake, STOP SAYING IT OUT LOUD! But please, DO name the type of abuse in your head. It will keep you sane and sharp AND give you something to think instead of whatever…

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  • Six Sessions of Individual Counseling

    Six Sessions of Individual Counseling

    I received six sessions of individual counseling through Military One Source. It was only six sessions because my insurance offered them with no referral. When I go back to private counseling, I’ll need a referral. What I Hoped to Accomplish: I wanted someone to validate my experience. I wanted to become more informed about how…

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  • How to Survive Abuse – Maybe

    How to Survive Abuse – Maybe

    I’ll tell you what I’ve tried and what the results were to give you an idea of what directions you could go. You are the only one who can decide what your course of action could be. Please talk to someone face-to-face about what’s going on with you. Don’t bother explaining your pain to your…

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  • Boundaries for Abusive Relationship Examples

    Boundaries for Abusive Relationship Examples

    “I Cannot Control You” is the missing key for people setting boundaries in abusive relationships. I cannot control you, but I can control me. So if you are acting like a jerk, I get to decide if I’m going to stay around you while you act that way…or not. Boundaries for abusive relationships help you…

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  • Two Effects of Verbal Abuse Video

    Mental and Emotional Fatigue from Verbal Abuse (A couple of minutes of needless video clipped at the beginning.) And when I did check my email yesterday, I found an email from a friend of mine who is kind of in the same situation. I’ve never met her, you all know how that goes online, and…

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  • First Steps For Abuse Victims

    First Steps For Abuse Victims

    The shock of discovering you are in an abusive relationship can turn to panic over what to do. The following guide will help you clear your thinking after weeks or years of abuse. These are the first steps for abuse victims. Over your time in an abusive relationship, you’ve likely developed some side effects of abuse…

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