Abuse Hides in the Dark. Turn on Your Light.

Emergency Money for When You Leave

Speaking of things you can count on, count on your would-be controller to do everything in his/her power to leave you helpless and insecure.Will revoked my access to our money by closing all our joint accounts at the bank. I don’t know if or when I can pay the bills. I am not concerned that this situation will persist. In fact, I know that it cannot continue under the law, and Will is not going to risk more legal trouble than he faces.

I would like to take the opportunity to address money as it relates to emergency and safety plans. If you leave your abuser and take marital funds with you, you will owe back half to the marital kitty when you go to settle financially. However, if you take money with you, then you have not broken any law. The money is yours as well as his. Keep your receipts, document why you spent the money and spend prudently to stay on the safe side.

Likewise, all debt incurred during the separation is also the responsibility of both parties. You do not relieve yourself of joint credit card debt during the divorce – like all other monetary issues, debt is a marital concern and you deal with joint debt in court or in your separation agreement. You are as financially responsible as your spouse for all assets and debts incurred during your marriage and during the separation period. To that end, remove yourself from any joint accounts to protect yourself.

So, as you make your emergency plan, go into it fully aware of your responsibilities. You are not stealing if you take marital funds with you when you leave, but you will be required to settle later.

Your Abuser Prefers You Helpless and Insecure

Speaking of things you can count on, count on your would-be controller to do everything in their power to leave you helpless and insecure. The more miserable you are, the more likely you are to return to the environment you left – and your abuser knows it. If you believe he wants you to stay gone, at least admit to yourself that he does not want you happy.

Your happiness is possibly the biggest threat to your abuser. When you feel happy, then you feel strong. When you feel strong, you may well realize that you don’t want the life you created with him. I’ve known this for a while, and it feels odd to have my innate knowing become such an accurate predictor of future events.

There’s no threat of a weak and broken woman walking out on him. No threat of a woman who is unable to provide for herself walking away. As long as I doubt every single skill I possess that creates beauty and value in this world, I am impotent against his brutal verbal, emotional and mental attacks. ~from Turning Inward, 2009

But now I’m happy. Watch out.

Read this entire post and more. Buy My Abusive Marriage . . . and what happened when i left it by Kellie Jo Holly
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