I’m trying so hard not to panic, not to allow my strings to get caught up in the machine swirling in my gut.
The panic machine is in fully operational today. It’s whirring and purring to me:
He’s going to get mad about the money.
He’s going to be upset that you don’t cook all the time.
He’s going to explode over something you cannot foresee in retaliation.
He’s going to be unhappy, mad, rude, manipulative.
And then he’s going to lie about it all.
You’re going to have to go back to doing what it was before he left.
Why did you ever change? It would have been so much easier if you hadn’t changed.
Stuff everything down into the panic machine.
Let it chew it up for you so it just disappears.
Go back to what you did before
What you said before
What you felt before
So all of the whirring and purring whispers will go away.
I’ll make it go away,