I’m reading a book1 in which the authors identify three common ways people think when confronted with button-pushing people and an alternative, healthier way to think.
In a prior post, I wrote about some stinking thinking before I knew what it was:
“Or maybe it’s me blaming myself for not seeing this coming. Maybe it’s me thinking that no matter what I do right it’s going to end up hurting me in the end.”
When I thought that, I felt overwhelmed, ineffective, and doomed. Those feelings are not going to help me face or stop any problem I face. Those feelings are going to put me into victim mode. I’m oh so tired of being the victim.
The authors write that the way I perceive a problem governs my reaction to it. The way I think determines how I feel.
When I perceive a situation as catastrophic, it inhibits my ability to deal with it effectively. Catastrophic thinking is basically asking “What if…?” and then answering with “That would be AWFUL!” instead of thinking about what I could do if that scenario were to happen.
For example, when I think that no matter what I do I will be hurt, I’m saying “What if I do what I think is right but I end up hurt?! That would be horrible!”
Notice that “That would be horrible!” does not answer the question in any way…in fact, “That would be horrible!” only leads to increased feelings of doom. There is no plan, there is no thinking, “Well, I’ll cross that bridge if I come to it” or “I’ll be capable of handling the pain if it happens.”
The authors call the other statement, “Or maybe it’s me blaming myself for not seeing this coming,” shoulding all over yourself. So long as I’m busy feeling bad for things I should have known or done, then I’m not able to move forward with real problem solving. If I’m busy blaming myself, then I’m in the past and reliving the incident instead of being in the present and deciding what to do about it.
Okay. That’s all I can write for tonight. I want to tell you about the healthier alternative to stinking thinking but it’s going to have to wait.
One, I have a horrible head cold and cough and the daytime pain medication is swiftly wearing off. I think swallowing all this mucus is making my stomach roll and all I really want to do is crawl into bed and stop thinking.
Two, the effort to explain the healthier thinking and then to transform my thinking will take more energy than I feel I can give now.
Sweet dreams.
1How to Keep People From Pushing Your Buttons by Albert Ellis, Ph.D. and Arthur Lange, Ed.D.