Another voice says, “GROW UP! You’re not a child anymore! Stop expecting someone else to fill your cup. Take care of things yourself!”
Love love love. Wish wash. How do I love myself and do my job as a mother to my children, too? Sometimes I feel like I need someone else to love me FOR me. I don’t know HOW to love myself.
Discipline? How do I get that? A loving, guiding voice? Where does that come from?
How do I be my own mother and father AND be a mom and dad for Marc and Eddie?
There doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day. I don’t even know what I need.
(If I’d had The Life-Changing Workbook back then I could have figured out what I needed.)
Related entries: The Voices and Randomly K’s Story.
This entry is one day out of the journal I kept while I was still in the marriage. The whole thing, in order, is the book: My Abusive Marriage . . . and what i’m doing in it. Or read the first pages if you want to see whether it’s for you.