While reading Muffy Gibson’s book, “The Crazy-Making Husband”, I realized that although abuser’s methods may differ, the desired end result is the same. We wives must stop thinking, sharing and feeling things that are not true.
I am making an assumption as I write this: based on the Rules in her book, some abusive husbands have no ambition to better themselves or even to be productive member of his household.
I do not live with someone who for one minute lets me forget just HOW MUCH he does for me just by keeping a job and maintaining our property. He is motivated to excel in the Army; he is motivated to do all household projects by himself.
In fact, he is so motivated to excel at these things that OTHER PEOPLE SEE, that he has no time to work on our marriage or himself (as if HE needed any help).
Maybe other abusive husbands want to prove his wife wrong in her assessment that “work” is a viable, pleasurable, and productive activity. My husband seems to want to prove me wrong in my assessment that his “responsibilities” could include our marriage, our children, and me. He’s so busy putting on a show for the world that he has no energy for his family. And I’m supposed to “understand” that and not “bother” him with my silly complaints (most of which have been put there by other people anyway).
Regardless, all of these abusive men are acting like spoiled children. How DARE we wives NOT SEE how DEMANDING we are. How DETRIMENTAL to our husbands we are. How UNAPPRECIATIVE we are. How FLAWED our view of the world actually is. How DARE we believe something different from him! How dare we want him to stop living HIS life the way HE wants to live it.
Hmph. I guess I am the one who must stop living my life the way I want to live it. He’s the more important one. His opinion is the one that counts. The sooner I get that through my thick head, the happier he will let me be.
I think all of our abusive husbands share that sentiment.
*”The Crazy-Making Husband” is Muffy’s first book and she plans to follow up its release with others (About Muffy).