Randomly K’s Story
Thankfully, I have found Randomly K’s Journal Entry! It’s posted on the site along with Amber’s and Mike’s.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, RK. ”It” happens just as you describe it. So often I’ve done something against my better judgment because I thought it would make him happy.
What a joke. He knows I’m trying to act in ways that fuels his happiness, but his sense of entitlement, the idea that I “should” ensure his happiness no matter what he says, gets in the way. To him, his words don’t matter when he’s testing me – insincerely pretending to want to “make” me happy – and somehow, I’m supposed to know the difference. I’m supposed to know that he what? That he doesn’t really want me to be happy?
Well, I think I just figured that one out. He doesn’t really want me to be happy. My happiness threatens his ability to “make” me behave as he would like.
Sorry, I ran on and on. What I really would like you to do is take a look at Randomly K’s story.
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October 8th, 2009 at 9:23 PM
“Well, I think I just figured that one out. He doesn’t really want me to be happy. My happiness threatens his ability to “make” me behave as he would like.” WOOOOW! light bulb moment here. Last night I was so happy and bubbly and yes, he seemed to get more and more angry as the night wore on until I was foolish enough to express that something hurt my feelings. Just one sentence “When you did … that hurt my feelings.” literally that is all I said. he exploded. Happiness snuffed out like a little candle.
October 11th, 2009 at 3:38 AM
It’s interesting that today I was talking to a woman and we opened up on this subject. She said the same thing – “He didn’t WANT me to be happy!” When I think back, most of his most hateful outbursts occurred when I was at the top of my game, emotionally, physically, or mentally. In the past, I’ve hidden the glee or pride from him to avoid his anger. I’m not going to do that anymore.
I don’t know if I’m going to bother with the “It hurt my feelings when…” statements anymore. He doesn’t care that I’m “hurt” only that he’s getting what he wants – me in a hole. Me, under his thumb, under his control.
It’s going to be tough when he returns from this deployment. I’m not the same person I was when he left.