As I look over these goals from 1998, I hear my husband whispering in my ear - ”You can’t go to college until the kids are in school.” “You don’t know how to be a wife.” “Why is the toy room a mess?!” ”Why can’t you keep everything in its place?” “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” “You don’t know how to budget.”
“Do you always have to get so emotional about every little thing I say to you?”
March 31, 1998
I’ve got to accept the responsibility for my own happiness. I think that determining and analyzing the cause of my depression could help me to change the action patterns I’ve established that contribute to my depression. Maybe by changing my actions, I can successfully rid myself of my depression.
According to the test I just took, my main cognitive distortion is “All or Nothing Thinking.” Here are my goals:
Marriage success and happiness:
- Learn to blow off pettiness
- Handle money effectively
- Be in tune with his needs
- Be a better communicator
What I’ve heard him say is “I was joking! Can’t you take a joke?” and “You’re going to nickel and dime us to death!” and “A good wife would know what I need.” Will was the only person in my life who didn’t understand what I was saying to him and I thought I was a horrid communicator.
- Respect others by not screaming
- Take time to evaluate what is being said before replying
- Reply calmly
- Stop being so defensive
My anger goals result from Will wanting to criticize and berate me without interruption. He wanted me to take his perceptions as fact, but I became angry when he told me things that weren’t true about myself. That is where the screaming comes into play. At the time, I thought I truly was irrational – I felt the anger but I didn’t realize it stemmed from abuse.
- Implement a skin care regimen
- Find out how to get and keep soft hair
- Create a firm, thin body
If I looked the same as when he met me, maybe he would love me again.
Daily accomplishments and quality of work:
- Do all my household chores every day
- Complete my chores before 8pm
- Work with Will to find a logical place for everything
- Go outside to work in the yard and to improve my appearance too
I was a homemaker. I shouldn’t have assigned chores! I get to decide what gets done and when because homemaking is more than cleaning. And why does Will get to say what a “logical place” for something is? If I wanted the silverware drawer by the sink, then it should be by the sink.
- Wait until kids are older
- Go to college
- Think about refinishing and building furniture
I was always waiting until the kids were older. In 2009 I was waiting until Marc started college.
Influence the attitudes of others towards me:
- Be more helpful
- Be more outgoing and friendlier
- Be proud of what I do and realize I’m not stupid because I stay home
Will said I was a selfish woman who only cared about herself and that I didn’t know anything about the “real world”.