Women Hit More Than Men But Men Do More Damage

Carrie Keating, the expert in the video above, teaches psychology at Colgate University. Her main interest is the study of charisma, but she spoke in the ABC video above about aggression. As you know, aggression in an intimate relationship is usually called domestic violence. In the video, Ms. Keating states, “Men create more damage, but women hit more than men do.”

Women abused by men are more likely to die as a result of their abuse. That is a fact. I looked over Ms. Keating’s faculty page, but the research backing up “women hit more than men do” isn’t evident there. I’m not saying she is lying! I’m only saying I cannot find that research study. I wouldn’t really expect to find it on her faculty page because she focuses her studies on charisma and the papers listed on her page were researched by her.

However, I may instinctively agree with the idea that women hit more than men do. I see girls slapping and even punching their guy friends on the arms, frogging them on the leg. (Don’t forget, I’m the mother of teenagers – I’ve seen quite a few young couples in my home!) Girls push, and grab the boys ears and hair, and pretend to be ready to knee them in the groin, too. The boys defend themselves, but they do it with a smile and giggle. Why? Because the idea is that a girl can’t really hurt a boy. If the young man protests, sure enough the other guys around him give him hell for being a wuss.

Those same young men would come down hard on their peers who fought back by slapping, punching, pushing, pulling hair or pretending to be ready to strike at the young woman’s chest or groin.

We’ve taught our young men about domestic violence, but got the message to our girls that only guys can be held accountable for it. It’s time we taught our daughters to keep their hands and feet and objects used as weapons to themselves, too.

Educate Young Men Who Date Violent Women

Here’s one of my favorite videos explaining why girls shouldn’t hit and their boyfriends should walk away:

You may have seen this chilling video about domestic violence, but it’s worth seeing again. This time, imagine you hear a man’s voice in crisis. There shouldn’t be any difference in your decision to help.

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About Kellie Jo Holly

Kellie Jo Holly passionately advocates against domestic violence through her writing and mentoring service. She loves helping women cope with abuse while in the relationship and supporting them as they leave the relationship and begin to heal. You can also find Kellie on Google+, Facebook and Twitter. You can buy her books from Amazon.


  1. While a few women may hit men and perhaps try to control their partner, most studies indicate that the majority of controlling individuals in domestic violence relationships are men. The majority of the victims and survivors are women.

    • Yes, that is what we SEE in statistics. I wonder though how many men do not report or speak of their partner’s abuse because of society’s pressure.

      Be a man.

      Take it like a man.

      She’s 5’2″ dude, how can she hurt you?

      Women are more likely to die in violent relationships – that is a fact. But I’m not convinced that women are more likely to suffer verbal and emotional abuse.

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