Does it help to know that abuse issues don’t only affect abuse survivors? Wise people the world over seem to share our doubts, inhibitions, questions and desires to “make sure it’s going to work before doing anything” feelings.
It takes a lot of momentum to propel a wise person into action. Think of Buddha…did you see him sitting? Think of Christ…did you envision him awaiting the second coming? How about the old wise crone? Do you see her sitting comfortably in her cottage, knowingly awaiting your arrival? All of those people were movers and shakers and then, at some point, became wise observers. They now sit…and wait…and wait.
Some abuse survivors* are in a waiting pattern. Those of us still in an abusive relationship are waiting to decide to leave or stay forever. Some of us out of our abusive relationships are waiting for the effects of abuse and all the “abuse issues” to magically disappear.
I imagine that all the wise people I mentioned above do something else while they’re waiting. They think, dream, plan, devise, envision, imagine, and plot their next actions. They know that someday soon, they will not wait any longer. They know that nothing stays the same and although they may not know what the big change will be, they can certainly embolden and educate themselves in interesting ways. They also, I bet, have faith that when the big event occurs, they will have educated themselves in the proper way.
So, as you sit there and wait for the next big change (or an episode of abuse that you know will eventually come), I suggest that you also think, dream, plan, devise, envision, imagine and plot your next actions.
No one – no one – waits forever. Think good things for yourself because what you think becomes your reality. Dream big and plan with flexibility. Envision a life without abuse and no, that life is not necessarily minus your current abuser. (Miracles have happened!)
Abuse issues are not always only “abuse issues”. We share issues with the rest of humankind, so stop beating yourself up for waiting. Start the action in your mind and the big event will arrive a lot sooner.
“The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.” ~Bertram Russell
*Abuse survivors are any of you who experience or once experienced abuse – the only abuse victims are those who don’t know they’re being abused