Abuse Hides in the Dark. Turn on Your Light.

What Is Real?

What is real isn't always so clear after being abused for 17 years.

I’m growing a fear of writing daily – what if what I write isn’t good enough? What if what I write doesn’t “prove” I’m being verbally abused? What if “they” don’t believe me?

Or God forbid, what if I fall into weakness and start “making things worse than they are” as I’ve been accused of? What if my writing is the only thing that convinces me that I’m abused verbally? What if I’ve made it all up through faulty reasoning? Faulty feeling? Faulty something?

What if the readers of my site find out that I think I may be full of shit? Am I full of it?

Am I making things up? Am I involved in a “plan to get [my] own way”? Uggh.

How do people know when they’re being authentic? How do people overcome fear? I’ve lived on faith for years – faith that he’ll come around, understand or be nice to me. I believe I’ve been lying to myself for 17 years. How can I be sure this whole verbal abuse “thing” is real?

Is my gut feeling wrong?