One morning, while applying waterproof mascara, I looked into my eyes and saw it. Nothing. My eyes didn’t shine or pop; there was no light. Where did I go? Where was my soul?
Fiery hot tears boiled in the corners of my eyes and rolled down my cheeks leaving their tracks in the pink blush and make-up. I felt scared and then sad. How did this happen? How did I lose my Self when I was living right here?
My feelings of loss, helplessness, and hopelessness were overpowering. I didn’t know what was happening to me.
I couldn’t see what was happening to me because the abuse distracted me from seeing the truth. The abuse itself was invisible to me. All I saw in the mirror was a failure instead of seeing the wool the abuse had pulled over my eyes.
Abuse Is a Lie
Abuse, at its core, is a great and powerful lie. The lie seems to be truth, and truth seems to be lies. That circular thought process is itself an effect of abuse! But once you recognize and accept that there is abuse in your relationship, the first powerful spell breaks and healing begins.
Healing from Abuse During the Relationship
Beyond a doubt, it is easier to heal from abuse if the relationship ends. I wouldn’t be where I am today in the healing process if I still carried my abuser’s daily words on my shoulders.
However, some healing takes place during the relationship when you, the target of abuse, want the abuse to end. You no longer think of yourself as a victim. Instead, you take on the persona of an agent of change and begin the work of changing your reactions to the abuse. You will experience some healing during the process.
Healing is almost the same as empowering yourself to make clearer and better choices for you. In time, the decision to leave or stay will become clear and you will gain the ability to decide.