January 19, 2009
I found a quote online that says, “I sleep around so I can devalue sex and then devalue my rape.”
So my question is, WHY THE HELL DIDN’T ANY OF MY DAMN COUNSELORS JUST GIVE ME THIS LITTLE BIT OF INFORMATION YEARS AGO WHEN IT WOULD HAVE HELPED?!
I have spent YEARS wondering why I was suddenly so, um, “willing” to have sex after going through such a traumatic “first time” experience. Why couldn’t some counselor just say, “You know, Kellie, you may be having sex and making yourself so miserable in an attempt to make your rape seem less important.”
But no. No one did that. Is the information I found on the Internet 24 years after the fact such a secret that no one could share it with me? Is it something they expected me to talk myself into understanding? And how could I have been THAT wise when I finally told my parents what had happened?!
I’ve muddled through the best I could, but that one idea makes all the difference. It fits me perfectly.Why didn’t I see it before?